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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry Six
Aug 27th, 2015 by Dr Karma

Went back on OKCupid today. I got a poorly written message almost immediately. I checked out this guy’s profile (which indicated that he would not allow a girlfriend to be friends with exes and said he believed jealousy was “healthy in a relationship.”) Of course, if he read through all of my profile, he would have seen that I explicitly state that I’m friends with my exes (these facts come out in the questions you answer on this site), and that I’m not going to end my friendships.
I’m not going to comment on this exchange–it speaks for itself.
Me: Hi, [. . .]. I read through your profile and the answers to your questions. I don’t think we’d be a good match–you are very clear that you’re not okay with women being friends with their exes, but I am, and I don’t want to enter a relationship that has jealousy.
I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Him: Thanks for checking. Although I believe there is always something to give up for progress.
Me: That’s very true. Perhaps you should take your own advice and give up being jealous! Most people would consider that progress.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating (Entry 5): Why There Won’t Be a Second Date
Aug 12th, 2015 by Dr Karma

I recently told someone I didn’t want a second date with him. He said I was probably a racist.

One of the hardest parts of dating is having to tell someone that you’re not interested. When faced with this dilemma, I chose the least offensive but still true reason to give. Lately, though, guys haven’t taken the no as gracefully as I’ve tried to give it. I’ve been called shallow, racist, and a liar–in each case, the guy is arguing that my reason isn’t real–that it’s a cover for some darker thing that reflects badly on me. I can certainly understand the sour grapes impulse, but it’s frustrating to not have politeness returned.
Haven’t they ever heard the phrase “just not that into you”?
They guy mentioned above had several strikes–I didn’t really enjoy our conversation, he said he would never go to a play (even though he’d never been to one), he plans to move away next year, and he’d managed to forget that I have a son. I gave him the penultimate reason–which is true–I’m looking for a long-term partner. He said I was full of bullshit and that I was probably just a racist.

(I’d have to be an incredible racist–it’s one thing to refuse to date someone of another race–it’s another to agree to a date just to get a member’s of that race’s hopes up so that the racist might better dash them.)

Recently, a friend forwarded a great article about why a woman doesn’t always write back during online dating. I could so relate. In honor of that, culled from many years, here’s why I don’t want a second date.

You didn’t make eye contact.
You never asked me anything about myself.
The one response to finding out what I did for a living was “good for you.”
You’re not funny.

You said “I love you.”
You were really late even though you admitted you had nothing else happening in your life that day.
You pressured me for sex.
You laughed like a donkey–and I made you laugh a lot.

I said I was a feminist and you asked why I hated men.
You seemed too contemptuous of other people–too negative.
You had obviously lied in your profile.
I had no desire to have you touch me.

I told you what I did for a living and you physically recoiled.
You smelled bad.
You said, “so, since you’re a single mother, people don’t plan on dating you for long, right?”
You admitted you’re uncomfortable with smart women.

I didn’t think it would bother me that you’re my father’s age, but it did.
You talked about money too much.
You had an obvious wedding ring tan.
I let you kiss me and you didn’t move your tongue at all and then explained that you always kissed people like that the first time because you’re testing what a woman might do with her tongue to another body part.

You seem to be jealous and possessive already.
You don’t like it when women talk about sex or when they use bad words.
You proposed.
You gave me $100 in a card.

I was bored.
I wasn’t ready, really, to be on a first date with anyone.
You assumed I was a spoiled-daddy’s girl (yes, you used those words) and thought it would turn me on when you talked about how you would spoil me.
You tried to touch me way before it was okay.
Everything was a double-entendre, but none of them were even clever.
I was more interested in someone else.
We had talked on the phone and you’d asked the “how’d you end up a single mom” question. You asked it again on the date and expressed equal surprise at the answer, like you’d never heard it before.
Your mouth is exactly the same as another person’s I used to date–it’s creepy.

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Goodbye to the Best Damn Anchor EVER!
Aug 7th, 2015 by Dr Karma

I think I would have been more upset about Jon’s last show, but I lost my Jareth kitten, so I’m numb to other tragedy today. That said . . .

THE SIMPSONS: Springfield voters reject the leading candidates and embraced a write-in: Ralph Wiggum.  Although no one knows for sure which political party Ralph is representing, he insists that everyone is invited to his party in the "E Pluribus Wiggum" episode of THE SIMPSONS Sunday, Jan. 6 (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT) on FOX. (Pictured: guest voice Jon Stewart.  THE SIMPSONS ª and ©2008TCFFC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

THE SIMPSONS: Springfield voters reject the leading candidates and embraced a write-in: Ralph Wiggum. Although no one knows for sure which political party Ralph is representing, he insists that everyone is invited to his party in the “E Pluribus Wiggum” episode of THE SIMPSONS Sunday, Jan. 6 (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT) on FOX. (Pictured: guest voice Jon Stewart. THE SIMPSONS ª and ©2008TCFFC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

I have seen almost every Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I started watching when Craig hosted, though due to cable issues I wasn’t as faithful to him. Over these past many years, I think there are maybe 8 episodes of TDS with Jon I haven’t seen, mostly due to overseas travel.

Jon brought something that Craig didn’t–a decidedly political focus. When I think of Craig’s show, I remember laughing, I remember his 5 questions bit, I remember Olivia Newton John not getting the 5 questions right although they just wanted her to say “grease,” and I remember Bill Murray singing some lyrics for the theme song. There’s more to remember about Jon because his show was more meaningful.

You all know what I’m going to say: More people got their news from Jon than from anywhere else. Their coverage won 7 Peabody Awards and an Orwell. The show launched the careers of some of our best comedians.

The last episode featured many, many correspondents (and his crew)–as it should. It was their show, too, and Jon made sure their voices were heard. Many have talked about how Jon made them better writers–that they learned to write for a purpose, for an audience, and with concision in mind–in addition to being funny.

Jon allowed them to play and to ridicule him. His brand of comedy was unique, in fact, because while the show was often satirical, the true satire was always in the hands of his correspondents. That is, satire plays on a level of meaning–it’s possible to misunderstand it. It depends on a naive narrator. Stephen Colbert’s show was all satire because Stephen was in character (and many did somehow miss that he was). While Jon sometimes used sarcasm for comic effect, he was sincere. He was angry at the VA, at those who fought to screw over first responders, etc. It wasn’t an act.

Those of us of a certain age will always remember Jon’s first show after 9/11 and the strength of his words.

When I teach satire, the segments of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart I use come from the correspondents, since they can’t come from the straight man that is Stewart (like this one).

Here’s what I’ll most miss. Jon’s honesty. His laugh. His using opponents’ words against them (by simply showing them saying the thing they said they didn’t say, etc.) The way he made the other side go crazy. If he were just a clown, they never would have had to mention him. But they did–they tried to take him down as if he were a serious newsman, as if he were a powerful political player.

And that made sure he was both.

(Maybe that’s why they decided to do their first debate after he was gone.) jon

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 4
Aug 4th, 2015 by Dr Karma

A brief story, from several weeks ago:
A man “met” me online. He never actually asked me out, but he would ask how my day was, what my plans were for the weekend, etc. I would tell him what I did that day, what I was going to do (grade, see friends, etc).
At one point, he wrote, “You seem pretty busy. Too busy for a new man in your life. 🙁 ”
[That sounded a little whiny.]
Me: Well, I am a busy person–I don’t sit around twiddling my thumbs. But when someone asks me out, I make the time to see him. I’ve been able to make time for a few dates this week, in fact.
Him: WOW. THANKS FOR THE TMI.

That was his last message.

So you meet a woman on a dating site, but then you get offended that she’s dating?
Wow. Thanks for the heads-up that you’re insecure!

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