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The Continuing Adventure’s of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 53
Feb 28th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I decided to do an experiment.

The first sentence in my profile is Please read the “You should message me if” section before messaging.

The You Should Message Me If part says, . . . you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker. No long distance, please. (If you’re a difficult/long drive away, it’s not gonna happen.)

This site isn’t connected to my phone, so I’m not really available to chat; instead, I come online once or twice a day to read and answer messages. So tell me something about yourself or ask me a question or tell me a dating horror story–I love those. If we find we have things to talk about, we’ll set up a meet. (If you’re the type of guy who needs to text a girl every three minutes and have her text you back right away, I’m probably not the girl for you.)

I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.

The experiment: for a day, call people on obviously not reading.

Man 1 only said this on his profile: A loving and caring man.

He had answered 25 questions. Based on that, we are 35% NOT suited for each other.

Him: hello,how are you doing?

Me: I don’t think you read my profile.

Him: lol

what makes you think that way

Me: Because I don’t think you’ve read the “message me if” part at all–you’re basically doing everything I said not to do.

Him: funny

Me: Not trying to be–just being honest. Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Have a good night.

 

More results of the experiment to follow.

 

 

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Yes, Milo, Free Speech Matters
Feb 23rd, 2017 by Dr Karma

Last Friday, on Real Time, Milo Yiannopoulos held himself up as a great defender of free speech, while minimizing the effects speech has.

He admitted that he got off on people’s reactions to his trolling and abusive comments, trying to get all three panelists at the end (on Overtime) to tell him to go fuck himself (Larry Wilmore got it started after Milo responded to an attempt at honest debate by saying “you [Maher] always invite such awful people on your show; they’re so stupid”).

Milo said he “hurt[s] people for a reason” and that he’s “a virtuous troll,” in between insulting female comedians and actors (Lena Dunham, Leslie Jones, etc.). He never said what the “reason” or “virtue” might be in such attacks, but he attempted to claim at one point that he actually builds bridges with his “jokes.”

Perhaps the strangest thing he said, however, was “Mean words on the internet don’t hurt anyone.” Milo then said that what he does isn’t harmful in any way, compared it to physical instances of abuse. Maher mentioned that some believe speech provokes action. Milo’s response was that those of us who believe so “would be idiots.”

There’s a reason why one form of speech that’s not protected is speech that incites violence. There’s a reason why we have laws against slander (and some against certain forms of lying).

But setting that aside, the claim that “mean words on the internet don’t hurt anyone” is insane. Luckily, I’m not famous, so I don’t get trolled very often; however, I’ve been hurt by things people have said on the internet.

And I know lots of other people have been too.

The first lady said she wants to work against teen cyberbullying–because mean words hurt.

Young people sometimes commit suicide–because mean words hurt.

I know women who are scared by rape and death threats–because mean words hurt.

Lindy West had a man pose on Twitter as her dead father to verbally abuse her. Guess what? Those mean words hurt.

I was planning to write about this before Yiannopoulos’s words finally got him in trouble with conservatives this week. There are so many more layers now, so much irony. It’s so fitting that the knee-jerk reaction to “please think of the children” is biting him in the ass after he used it against trans people.

It’s ironic that all the conservatives who said Milo should be allowed to talk have pulled him from their editorial boards and conventions.

It’s sad that they weren’t bothered by any of his racist, sexist, transphobic, white supremacist bullshit.

Yiannopoulos, for maybe the first time, apologized (partially).

“I’m partly to blame. My own experiences as a victim led me to believe I could say anything I wanted to on this subject, no matter how outrageous. But I understand that my usual blend of British sarcasm, provocation and gallows humor might have come across as flippancy, a lack of care for other victims or, worse, ‘advocacy.’ I deeply regret that. People deal with things from their past in different ways.”

He seems obtuse and stubborn, so I don’t know if he’ll get the lesson:

Words matter. Words can hurt.

That’s why free speech is important–because, as Margaret Atwood once said, “a word after a word after a word is power.”

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 52
Feb 12th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I’m judgmental, as you know, dear readers. Countless men have told me so. They use the word mostly when I catch them in lies–about being married, about being a completely different person from their picture, etc.

Are there women who are not prone to judge those who lie to them?

Is this what guys mean when they say they want someone who’s easy going?

Or when they say they want someone without baggage?

(I admit: a lack of baggage (read: experience) would probably make me helpless in the face of the lies and toying around.)

Recently, a guy was flirty and expressed interest in a date. But then said he wouldn’t be free for a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks went by. Mostly silence.

Me: So did you actually want to set up that date sometime?

A couple of days went by.

Me: Okay. Bye, window shopper.

Him: Window shopper? Nice, that’s a little harsh and judgmental

Me: I’m judging based on the evidence I have to go on, yes.
You may have your reasons, but all I got was silence. Any outside observer who looked at this conversation would conclude that you wanted to flirt, but not really go out.
Window shopper is one of the nicer metaphors for that, really.
I hope you find what you’re looking for.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 51
Feb 1st, 2017 by Dr Karma

Two guys in two days with the same problem.

Both guys have the bare minimum on their profile, haven’t answered OKC questions, etc, and thus have not met the basic requirements (which you, my loyal readers, urge me to maintain).

Guy 1: Hola mami u look great 

[Several hours later]

Guy 1: How come u didnt say hi 

Me: As my profile says, “I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.” 

Guy 1: Ur taking life way too serious 

Me: If you think so, then we’re obviously not a good fit.
I hope you find someone carefree and that you have a great day! 

🙂

Guy 1: Uptite 

Wats ur name im [his name here]

WTF?

 

 

Guy 2: Hello.

[later]

Guy 2: Hmm

Really? Is it really a hmm-level mystery why I didn’t answer?

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