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The Continuing Adventure’s of Karma’s Dating: Entry 76
Nov 26th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I know that I’ve complained a lot about all of the guys out there who have wanted to change me, from the strangers on the internet who want me to be the kind of person who will give them a chance, even though they’re smokers or dumb or married or dumb married smokers, to the men who have supposedly loved me but wanted me to change into someone who wants more children or who believes in female submissiveness or into a very unhappy submissive woman with lots of kids.

My boyfriend does hope that I’ll get more comfortable with the “m” word one day, but on the whole, he accepts me for who I am.

I should therefore feel a lot more guilty about not accepting some of his particular shortcomings.

But I do want to change him.

He’s a brilliant, talented, sexy, successful man, but he had never seen Outlander. He’d never watched Sherlock or Doctor Who. He’d never even heard of One Mississippi or Maria Bamford or Stranger Things.

At the risk of being a cliche, I am now a woman on a mission to change a man, to improve him for the better, for both our sakes.

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 75
Oct 14th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Now that I have a boyfriend (he prefers “paramour,” by the way), it’s time to do some reflecting on the search.
As my readers know, there have been a few guys who let it slip that they weren’t looking for anything serious, which led me to break things off.
The guys were always surprised, even though the only box checked on what I was interested in was “long-term relationship.”
So did I want to date a guy who says that he’s never been in love (even though he’s divorced), who says I’m obviously lying to myself about wanting long-term when I don’t like living with people, who says the twenty minute drive to me was too much for something real.
Did I want to date the guy who confesses that he is still very much in love with someone else, but he’d like to keep things casual with me, since it will help him have sex with this other woman less?
C’mon, guys.
After I realized that our interests were not aligned, I called things off.
In these cases, the guys would make the same request:
Why don’t we just date casually and see what happens?
In other words, why don’t I (the guy) get what I want and you not get what you want, which will lead to a frustrating end in which I reiterate that I was never looking for something long term?
And in these cases, the guys came back, sometimes weeks after, sometimes years after, saying they’d made mistakes.
That they didn’t appreciate what I had to offer or the ways in which I’m different from most women.
Maybe they should have been different from most men.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 74
Oct 1st, 2017 by Dr Karma

Lately, I’ve been missing Jareth a lot, but the boy won’t let me get another kitten.

No one can see me–I’m in mommy’s fur!

Nor will he let me get a porcupine so I can talk with it while feeding it corn.

And he’s adamant that we not bring an owl named Weird Owl Yankovic into our home, even after Jenny Lawson came up with that name.

However, this month, my desire for a kitten has been decreasing. I’ve found myself a man.

A great one.

One who makes me feel sexy.

One who can keep up with me, intellectually.

One who plays the piano for me and recites poetry while we snuggle.

One who gets my job and my schedule since he’s a teacher too.

One who just brought me tea and is literally making and packing me a lunch while I write this now.

 

Don’t worry, readers–I haven’t told you every story from my dating adventures–there are more blogs yet to come.

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 73
Sep 9th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Last week, a 35 year old messaged me, asking if I dated younger men.

I said that he wasn’t all that younger than I was, and that I date guys older too. I was trying to signal that a 7 year difference isn’t a huge deal, one way or another, at my age.

Him: So you like older as well like daddy?

I explained I didn’t date people my father’s age, no. Didn’t say: and I just buried my 88 year old daddy.

Him: Ever role play invest

That threw me for a loop. My first thought: Banking role play? Loan officer role play?

And then I understood.

He was interested in incest role play.

Not only am I really not into incest play, I am offended that someone only seven years younger thinks I should be playing his mom.

Ewww and ugh.

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The Adventures of Karma’s Online Dating: Entry 72
Aug 26th, 2017 by Dr Karma

A guy who only had pictures on his profile messaged me this week:

Him: Hi there! How are you?

Me: Hi! Could you fill out your profile and answer some more questions? I’m on OKC instead of Tindr so I’ll have more than a picture to go on.
(Nice pics, by the way.)

Him: Haha no

Me: Fair enough.
Have a great day, and I hope you find what you’re looking for!
🙂

 

[I shake my head, resign myself to celibacy.]

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The Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 71
Aug 23rd, 2017 by Dr Karma

Recently, I explained to a guy that I wasn’t interested since his profile was blank. This unoriginal guy lashed out with a line I hear frequently.

Just a thought, though:

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating Entry 70: Rejection Rage
Aug 18th, 2017 by Dr Karma

When I first started dating after my long-term partnership ended, I found myself on a first date that seemed promising. Then, at the end, he let me know he was not at all interested in a second date. I was mortified. What clues had I missed? How had I misread it? The next morning, I actually sent an apology email, saying if I hadn’t been so rusty, I wouldn’t have ordered the second drink and wouldn’t have let him pay.

Cause I have manners.

A couple of weeks ago, after a few good dates, a guy wrote me to call the next one off. He said I was amazing but that he just didn’t feel enough of a connection to think it could work long-term. He was right, but of course it hurt my feelings. I wrote him back, saying only that I understood.

Cause I have manners.

Earlier this week, a guy finally stopped bothering me for a date, but did so rudely. I was nice enough to answer him and politely let him know I wasn’t interested–three times. He had to pull a “sour grapes” line: “You’re boring. bye.”

I admit it–I was being boring. I don’t strive to be engaging when I’m saying I won’t engage with someone.

And then I thought about all the guys who I think are boring.

Speaking of, I got a request from a guy with a boring profile and boring messages a little while ago. We had actually messaged before, sometime last year, but I didn’t remember.

He begged and begged for a date, and I relented. I tried to like him on the date–I really did. He was handsome. And he sounded like a good person, a sincere one.

But I somehow had to look at 17 pictures of tractors in various stages of being rebuilt.

And there were two things he said that stood out to me, and not in a good way. I mentioned the failed politician, Sarah Palin. He said that he didn’t know who she was, but that he was surprised all women weren’t supporting her, as she was a woman.

Ummmm.

He wanted another date. I almost let myself get talked into it (c’mon, give the nice farmer a chance!)–but then I thought about my resolutions, about how I didn’t get a little stomach flip when he messaged, about how I saw the prospect of lunch as a chore to do rather than anything I was excited about.

So I sent him a lovely message–one that praised his looks and generous nature, one that told him he deserved someone as excited about him as he was about them.

He told me I couldn’t possibly know if there was a spark since I hadn’t gotten to know him.

Then, with no regard for the irony of admitting we didn’t know each other, he diagnosed me, claiming that I just wanted to date “weak men” so I “can dominant [sic] them.” He said I didn’t “like real men.”

I wanted to insult him back–to tell him how boring he was, how politically uninformed he was, how sexist he sounded, how I’d been mistaken in thinking him nice.

But I didn’t.

Cause I have manners.

I wish more guys did.

We all get rejected.

How we handle it is perhaps a better insight into us than our profiles and our first date chatter.

Guys, mansplaining to me about how much I suck doesn’t make me reconsider my decision not to go on that date. It makes me reconsider ever talking to you in the first place.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 69: Resolutions
Aug 13th, 2017 by Dr Karma

As I’m on an academic calendar, I’m nearing the start of a new year, and I find myself making resolutions–I want to take more walks, to see more movies, to experiment with document design for my students, etc.

I have a few dating resolutions as well. A recent “meh” first date and a recent awesome first date have brought them into clearer focus.

Nobody is perfect, but . . .
1. If I shy away from giving a guy my phone number when asked, then I don’t really want that next date. I should trust my gut instead of trying to justify another date because he’s nice.
2. If he can’t keep up with me, I’m gonna be so bored, so soon.
3. If I would not recommend him to my friends, because I know what they deserve, then I should pretend to be my own friend, and counsel myself with the same love.
4. Finally (with images from Allie Brosh):

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 68
Jul 29th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Did you say, after sex (which you proclaimed “amazing”), when I was naked and vulnerable, “Are you pregnant?”

Why was my first thought “I would feel hard, not squishy, if I were”?

Why did you put us in the position to have this conversation?

Me: I’m not pregnant. I’m heavy.

You: You’re not heavy . . .

Me: Yes. I am. Obviously.

Was it a good idea to try to change the conversation, which made me have to change it back?

Me: That really hurt me. And I’m going to hear that in my head for the foreseeable future.

You: Well, I just say whatever comes into my head. So I’ll probably make you angry a lot–I do that.

Umm, why didn’t you apologize?

Did you know I’d managed to bite my tongue so many times?

Why hadn’t I said, upon seeing it, that your dick was not as big as you’d claimed?

Why, by the way, did you, unprompted, warn me about how big it was?

Was it hope that you could get better with training that made me refrain from saying I was disappointed with your first efforts at pleasing me?

Was is that it would have been cruel?

Was it that I know that hearing certain things can shake one’s confidence for years to come?

Would I ever have told you that you aren’t as smart as you think you are? That it’s not your personal “secret” that you “figured out on [your] own” that a key to the GRE is to look for Greek and Latin roots in unfamiliar words?

Had you not considered that I have a PhD in English?

Have you heard of mansplaining?

Do you know how hard I worked not to laugh at you right then?

Why did you keep texting me after I politely declined to see you again?

Why did you think I needed to reconsider breaking it off?

Why were you so convinced that we had a great connection?

Have you figured out the big mistake by now?

Why did it take me months to write about this?

 

How many more months and years will I spend dreading what comes next–when that question, those words, will come, unbidden, as I make myself vulnerable with a new person?

How will I live with its echo in my head?

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 67: When Cougar Bait Tries Too Hard
Jul 18th, 2017 by Dr Karma

A guy with a very young looking picture, but whose profile says “32” messaged me:

Him: I’m really 21 and …

I’m looking for a stunningly pretty (like you are) and sexperienced older woman like you to teach me everything and let me be please her in every way like going down on her for hours, does that interest you? :)​.

Me: Nope. I’m looking for more than a toy.
Have a great day.

Him: Damn that sucks, I thought we were a perfect match :/

Me: How could we be when you’re 21 and when I’m looking for something serious?
My son is turning 24 this month, for fuck’s sake.

Him: I am looking for something serious with a sexy older woman like you.

Me: You’re looking for sex tutoring, according to your message. That’s not the same thing.

Him: What if I wanted both?

Me: You’re 21. I’m twice your age.

Him: I like that. Do you like younger?

Me: No. I like men, not boys.
It would be super creepy if I were into boys younger than my son.

Him: Okay sorry to bother you.

 

I just can’t imagine dating someone who could be The Boy’s younger brother . . .

Ewww.

Also, I remember dating in my 20s; I don’t want anything to do with that again.

 

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