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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 48
Jan 15th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Two guys have been trying to set up dates with me. Both have been annoying because they keep insisting on me going to Sacramento for a first date, leading me to think they’re not really that interested.

Today’s thrilling updates:

I’ve been turning down Guy 1 for a while. I explained to him that I couldn’t see him this weekend because my car is acting up and I don’t want to cross the causeway until I can get it to the shop.

I thought he might propose coming here.

Guy 1: Hi, any car update how about tonight?

Me: I’m not going to be able to make it in to the mechanic until Wednesday.
I’m sensing a great reluctance to come to Davis. 😉
Do you not have a car?

Guy 1: Yea no car these days ..:9

Me: Ah. Wish you’d just told me that in the beginning–I was confused by you asking me out a lot but not seeming willing to cross the causeway for a date.

Now, I’ve gone out on dates with Sacramento guys who didn’t have cars. However, they were upfront about it, rather than skirting the issue until pressed.

Guy 2 has been coming off as strange in a couple of ways–there seems to be an arrogance/control thing, though I could be wrong–there haven’t been all that many messages. He might just seem that way because he only wants to do the minimum to get a date.

At any rate, he kept pushing for Sac, which isn’t always easy for me (and sometimes annoying because if I have a doc appt in Sac during the day, I really don’t want to head back there for a first date, esp for someone who isn’t exactly smooth in his courting).

Guy 2 [a while ago]: When can u come to sac​

I thought I should signal my displeasure:

Me: I’m not sure. I’ll be in Sac later this week, but I’ll have my son with me–we’re going to a show.

Neither of us seems too eager/able to make a special trip across the causeway to see the other person.

[Many days pass. Cut to today.]

Guy 2: Hey u. Would u like to meet​

Me: I’d meet if you wanted to come to Davis, especially since my car is acting up and I would want to take it to the mechanic before I took it across the causeway. But my impression is that you aren’t keen on heading this way.

And then I postulate to myself that two guys are having the same underlying issue, so I send another message.

Me: Or is it that you don’t have a car?

Guy 2: Lol no i do have a car

I have a bad headache today, but is there some pattern I’m missing?

Perhaps understanding human behavior is futile.

Also, on this headache day, I would like to say I didn’t send a message meant for car Guy 1 to car Guy 2.

I guess we can’t always live our dreams.

😉

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating (Entry 24): When Lit PhDs Bleed.
Feb 1st, 2016 by Dr Karma

When you fall spectacularly in the parking lot before getting into your car, heading over to your ex boyfriend’s house to drink and watch Fargo, and manage to hurt a foot, an ankle, a knee, and both palms, after a particularly awful couple of weeks of trying to make a new relationship work, it hits you quite keenly that there’s something metaphorical about showing up on his doorstep bleeding.

It’s not the first time he’s had to bandage you up, but it’s the first time after the breakup, several months before.

He cleans you up, gets bandages on your foot, your ankle, your knee.

Your palms are still bare, outstretched.

“I have to get some more bandages for . . .,” he begins.

“My stigmata?”

You settle in. It’s a little like it used to be–the two of you with wine and then gin, watching tv, but you don’t throw your legs over his lap.

You’re more aware of your legs this time, what with the painful throbbing on your knee under your jeans.

In commercial breaks, you catch up. His kids, your aunt.

In one break, after you’ve moved on to the gin, you say, “Someone hurt me.”

You explain how a man was dating you, and then started treating you oddly. When you asked why, he said there wasn’t really a future, since you live thirty minutes from him, and since you don’t want to get married.

Of course, that was all true when this new guy first messaged you, when you has those dates, when he met a couple of your friends: it said so right on your profile–where you lived and that you didn’t want to get married–that you wanted a partner but without the cohabitation.

You told this new guy that your profile explains–has always explained–what you want. He said you didn’t mean it. “You’re obviously just looking for hookups if you don’t want to get married. You can’t have real intimacy unless you live with someone.”

You cried. In front of this man.

You had only cried in front of your ex twice in a two year relationship, and once was about the break up.

Of course, the other ended up being a breakup too, but it wasn’t losing this guy that made you cry. It was frustration, being so misunderstood, having this guy tell you that you didn’t know what you wanted. Missing the kind of relationship you’d had before.

“Am I crazy for wanting what we had?” you ask your ex.

He puts his hand on your good knee.

“You’re the sanest person I know.”

Later, you bleed a bit through your bandage on the way home.

 

 

 

 

(Written recently, but about November.)

 

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