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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s Online Dating: Entry 58
Apr 16th, 2017 by Dr Karma

This* is why it’s not a good idea to answer everybody.

And it’s the end of a very short lived experiment, in which I called guys on it when I didn’t think they’d read my profile, which indicated that I will only really answer when someone has a filled out profile, has answered questions, says more than hi, etc.

What happens below is sad.

A guy messaged me. His profile was mostly blank, but did indicate that he was a smoker who wanted kids. He had only answered a couple of questions, one of which said “jealousy is healthy in a relationship.” Another indicated that his Christian faith was important to him.

Him: Hi nice meeting you

Me: I don’t think you read my profile. 🙁

Him: A writer university teacher [these are basically the first three words of my profile]

Anyway I like your profile

I we like to no little more about you if you don’t mind

Me: It just didn’t seem like you read it cause I talked about what made me likely to answer and what I was looking for.
I don’t date smokers, and I’m not having more kids, so we seem incompatible.

Him: If because of you I we stop smoking I like the food you like can you just be honest and be real to me babe..

Me: I am being honest.

I’ve had guys say they’d quit for me before. It’s never once happened.
And I am not having more children.
And your profile is mostly blank.
And I’m an atheist while god is extremely important to you.
And I don’t think jealousy is healthy in a relationship.
I’m not seeing compatibility here.

Him: Babe I we never quit Whit you I promise I we be real and honest with you I’m different form the other guys

Babe do you have hangout or kik so we can talk better..

Me: I don’t have those apps, and I’m not interested in talking to you more. Your profile information doesn’t give much information, but the little information it does give me signals that we’re not compatible.

Him: Babe you free to ask anything you Wanna no about me

I’m new here that why but anything else you ask I we answer you

Me: It seems like we’re having a basic communication problem here.
You are interested in me because of my pictures and what I wrote on my profile; thus, you want to know more about me.
I’m NOT interested in you because you basically have a blank profile.
Go back and read my profile down at the bottom again about what I’m looking for:
“I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.”

Him: Babe am new in OKC so I don’t no more about it I we be very happy if you can put me true in this app a friend told me about it that he meet is future wife here and the wife is honest humble trust and she have respect that why am here too for real trust humble women that we can understand each other…

Me: And I hope you find the right person for you, but I don’t think I’m it.
You need to find someone you have things in common with.
Or at least someone who doesn’t mind blank profiles.

Him: Since I go true your profile am very happy you are God sent to me

My dear what Can do about my profile that’s blank I do anything to make me be real and honest with you

Me: My profile says this: “You should message me if you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker.”
I don’t think you’re what I’m looking for.

Him: Babe if that’s all what you want am interesting with it and I love movies too…

Me: You are not a nonsmoker.
You have not indicated that you are smart, funny, sexy, or liberal.
I don’t think you’re secure in yourself based on this conversation and on the fact that you think jealousy is healthy in a relationship.
It’s also a turn-off to say “God sent you to me” to an atheist.

Him: Sweetheart all this is your favorite thing and I do more then you smart, funny, sexy,nonsmoker, I told you I don’t no. more about OKC I don’t no what jealousy mean in relationship my dear if you don’t like someone jealous in relationships I accept with you dear….

I what you to come into my life and make it a wonderful world to live in…

My dear like am having special feelings for you right now

Me: You don’t know anything about me.
I think you like my pictures.

Him: My love you we tell me more better about yourself

But I love everything about you I love all your pictures, I love your profile I we like to be honest with you so I we be proud of you dear…

So my princess, what’s your name and I we like to see more of your love pictures and to share my own with you…

Me: I’m going to end this conversation.
I have politely told you that I’m not interested–SEVERAL times.
Nothing you have said in these messages has sparked my interest.
The last few messages–about special feelings, about god sending me to you, and calling me your love–have creeped me out.
I do really hope that you find the right person for you.
Here’s some advice about finding that person:
1. answer more questions on OKC. Most women won’t answer unless you’ve answered at least 50.
2. put some more information in your profile–be specific. Lots of guys say they’re looking for honesty. It doesn’t make you sound interesting or unique if you just give a general sentence or two.
3. When you send a message, say something specific–ask about something a woman has said she’s interested in on her profile, for example.
4. Don’t start sounding like you’re obsessed, especially if a woman says she’s not interested.
Best of luck to you in your search.

[And then I blocked him.]

*This is from quite a while ago.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 57
Apr 12th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Twice now, I’ve gotten messages inspiring deja vu.

Because I had gotten those exact messages, from those exact guys before. Both guys have gone silent when I’ve pointed it out.

I’m disappointed to be subject to cutting and pasting, and I understand that a message here or there is forgettable in and of itself.

But still.

Fuck dating.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 56
Apr 1st, 2017 by Dr Karma

Guy 3 (with a selfie in a wife beater pic) in the “gonna call you on not reading” challenge was kind enough to explain his philosophy.

Him: Hi 

Me: I don’t think you actually read my profile.
🙁 

Him: Im sorry for not reading your profile, its just that i like to know the person by conversation… it makes the person more exciting nd mysterious  

Reading kills the excitement of wanting to know someone deep down inside

Not sure if you understand

What drew me to you was your smile… its so honest and sincere😃

Me: We seem to be opposites. If someone has a blank profile, I have NO interest in them. If they can’t say anything interesting, then I assume they’re not interesting.
Knowing a little something interesting about the person is what makes me want to get to know them further. 

Him: ,Ok ok… that’s fair . I see dont want to waste your time in someone who does not connect to you… but have you heard of the saying “oppsites attract”… im an open book you can ask me anything… if not you can close this book of mystery and move on… it up to you if you want to get to know me 

Me: All the guys with mostly blank profiles make that same offer–that I can ask them anything.
But I’m on OKC (instead of Tinder, etc.) because I like the questions feature and the ability to put a couple of sentences up there instead of a couple of words.
You see blankness and see a mystery underneath. I see blankness and just see blankness. 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 55
Mar 18th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Today, I made my first meme. I have a short entry from my experiment in calling guys on not reading my profile that inspired it.

“toomacho”: Hi.

Me: I don’t think you read my profile before writing. 🙁

toomacho: Why?

toomacho: I’m too lazy for that

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 54
Mar 8th, 2017 by Dr Karma

So a couple of weeks ago, I did an experiment–I called guys on not reading my profile.

The first result (and a reminder of what my profile says) is here.

Guy Two uses 11 words to describe himself on his profile. I couldn’t read his answers to questions, but OKC tells me he’s 40% incompatible with me, based on what I care about.

Him: Hi.. how s it going You are beautiful, I hope we can be friends

Me: I’m looking for a partner, not just a friend. But thank you for the compliment; it was nice to wake up to! 🙂 Have a great day!

Him: Morning .. everything starts with friendship ​

I would like to take you out

Me: Things do start with friendship, but your profile says friendship is what you’re looking for–not long-term dating. It also says you want kids. I’m not having any more of those.

Him: I am still learning how to use this dating site. Yes I want relationship with my compatible person. Kids depend on my partner ​

Me: Did you “lock” almost all of your questions? I can only see your answers to two of them.

Him: No​

Wasn’t comfortable to put my info in my profile

Me: I’m confused then–the site says you’ve answered forty questions, but I can only see your answers to two. It is telling me that, based on your answers, we’re not a good match.

Him: You can ask any question you want ​

Me: If you read my profile all the way through, you’ll know I hate it when guys say that. 🙂

Him: My bad

Me: I’m on OKC instead of other sites so I don’t have to play 20 questions to figure out basic compatibility. Can you see all of my answers?

Him: I didn’t read yet

And then maybe he did–cause that was the (always inevitable) end.​

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The Continuing Adventure’s of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 53
Feb 28th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I decided to do an experiment.

The first sentence in my profile is Please read the “You should message me if” section before messaging.

The You Should Message Me If part says, . . . you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker. No long distance, please. (If you’re a difficult/long drive away, it’s not gonna happen.)

This site isn’t connected to my phone, so I’m not really available to chat; instead, I come online once or twice a day to read and answer messages. So tell me something about yourself or ask me a question or tell me a dating horror story–I love those. If we find we have things to talk about, we’ll set up a meet. (If you’re the type of guy who needs to text a girl every three minutes and have her text you back right away, I’m probably not the girl for you.)

I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.

The experiment: for a day, call people on obviously not reading.

Man 1 only said this on his profile: A loving and caring man.

He had answered 25 questions. Based on that, we are 35% NOT suited for each other.

Him: hello,how are you doing?

Me: I don’t think you read my profile.

Him: lol

what makes you think that way

Me: Because I don’t think you’ve read the “message me if” part at all–you’re basically doing everything I said not to do.

Him: funny

Me: Not trying to be–just being honest. Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Have a good night.

 

More results of the experiment to follow.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 52
Feb 12th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I’m judgmental, as you know, dear readers. Countless men have told me so. They use the word mostly when I catch them in lies–about being married, about being a completely different person from their picture, etc.

Are there women who are not prone to judge those who lie to them?

Is this what guys mean when they say they want someone who’s easy going?

Or when they say they want someone without baggage?

(I admit: a lack of baggage (read: experience) would probably make me helpless in the face of the lies and toying around.)

Recently, a guy was flirty and expressed interest in a date. But then said he wouldn’t be free for a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks went by. Mostly silence.

Me: So did you actually want to set up that date sometime?

A couple of days went by.

Me: Okay. Bye, window shopper.

Him: Window shopper? Nice, that’s a little harsh and judgmental

Me: I’m judging based on the evidence I have to go on, yes.
You may have your reasons, but all I got was silence. Any outside observer who looked at this conversation would conclude that you wanted to flirt, but not really go out.
Window shopper is one of the nicer metaphors for that, really.
I hope you find what you’re looking for.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 48
Jan 15th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Two guys have been trying to set up dates with me. Both have been annoying because they keep insisting on me going to Sacramento for a first date, leading me to think they’re not really that interested.

Today’s thrilling updates:

I’ve been turning down Guy 1 for a while. I explained to him that I couldn’t see him this weekend because my car is acting up and I don’t want to cross the causeway until I can get it to the shop.

I thought he might propose coming here.

Guy 1: Hi, any car update how about tonight?

Me: I’m not going to be able to make it in to the mechanic until Wednesday.
I’m sensing a great reluctance to come to Davis. 😉
Do you not have a car?

Guy 1: Yea no car these days ..:9

Me: Ah. Wish you’d just told me that in the beginning–I was confused by you asking me out a lot but not seeming willing to cross the causeway for a date.

Now, I’ve gone out on dates with Sacramento guys who didn’t have cars. However, they were upfront about it, rather than skirting the issue until pressed.

Guy 2 has been coming off as strange in a couple of ways–there seems to be an arrogance/control thing, though I could be wrong–there haven’t been all that many messages. He might just seem that way because he only wants to do the minimum to get a date.

At any rate, he kept pushing for Sac, which isn’t always easy for me (and sometimes annoying because if I have a doc appt in Sac during the day, I really don’t want to head back there for a first date, esp for someone who isn’t exactly smooth in his courting).

Guy 2 [a while ago]: When can u come to sac​

I thought I should signal my displeasure:

Me: I’m not sure. I’ll be in Sac later this week, but I’ll have my son with me–we’re going to a show.

Neither of us seems too eager/able to make a special trip across the causeway to see the other person.

[Many days pass. Cut to today.]

Guy 2: Hey u. Would u like to meet​

Me: I’d meet if you wanted to come to Davis, especially since my car is acting up and I would want to take it to the mechanic before I took it across the causeway. But my impression is that you aren’t keen on heading this way.

And then I postulate to myself that two guys are having the same underlying issue, so I send another message.

Me: Or is it that you don’t have a car?

Guy 2: Lol no i do have a car

I have a bad headache today, but is there some pattern I’m missing?

Perhaps understanding human behavior is futile.

Also, on this headache day, I would like to say I didn’t send a message meant for car Guy 1 to car Guy 2.

I guess we can’t always live our dreams.

😉

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 43
Jul 21st, 2016 by Dr Karma

Many of you have probably heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect: this is about the relationship between actual knowledge and one’s perception of their knowledge. What’s striking about this relationship is that those who have the least knowledge often believe they have the most.
In other words, they don’t know what they don’t know.

How does this relate to my dating experience?

This week, a guy wrote to me. Now, many guys have grammar and spelling mistakes. This guy’s were a little worse than usual because they’re the kind that auto correct should have fixed (and yes, OKC does put little squiggles under your words that aren’t words).
Some examples: I like going to theateres and watchong drama; I isually like to travel; a person who is gives and recieves.

You’ve seen worse in this blog. Why am I singling out this guy?

Because his first line describing himself is: I am very articulated.

dunning

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating (Entry 39): A couple of no-thank-yous
Jun 29th, 2016 by Dr Karma

Guy 1: How are you doing today,hope your day is going well?your eyes aren’t just beautiful,they are a gateway to a world that I want to be part of,i really like your smile and you are very attractive,i want to get to know you cos i am on here seeking a serious and long term relationship
Me: Hi, David. Thanks for your message.
While I’m looking for a serious relationship, I’m not looking for marriage or another child–your profile seems to indicate that you want those things.
Guy 1: Yes but we can still get to know each other ,if you don’t mind
Me: I guess I’m just wondering what the point would be–if we’re fundamentally different in what we want from a relationship, why would we start one?
Also, Auburn is far away–I’m not gonna make that drive for dates.
Guy 1: Hello dear,how are you doing today,hope your day is going on well?good to know you are open to making new friends,I’m new to online dating and i would like to know you better,how long have you been on here,what are you seeking on here,what does it take to put a smile on your beautiful face,do you like to kiss,are you a good kisser,do you like wine,hope i didn’t ask too much?
Me: I’m confused by your last message.
My last message indicated I didn’t want to start a relationship, since you’re far away and since we want different things.
Guy 1: sorry about that

Guy 2 is on disability and is on the spectrum. He admits he doesn’t really have friends. He doesn’t like to travel. He games all day. He is specifically looking for a female gamer with a high sex drive.
Me: I’m reluctant to enter into a relationship under those circumstances. I’ve been unhappy in relationships before when my partners weren’t social.
I hope you find the perfect woman for you; best wishes!
Guy 2: What a superficial reason lol

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve also had a bunch of messages that I haven’t responded to. Some are from far away or far enough away to be annoying. Some are conservative (men should be in charge of the household cause the Bible says so). What they all have in common is that they either haven’t read my profile wherein I say what I want and that I expect an actual message instead of a “hi” equivalent OR they’ve read it but still can’t put together an actual message.

Guy 3: How are you?
Guy 4: Hello
Guy 5: Good morning how are you doing
Guy 6: Hello love how you doing
Guy 7: Hello, i’d love to find out more about you…
Guy 8: Hello beautiful
Guy 9: hi beautiful, how are you
Guy 10: Good morning, TGIF 😆, how are you? 🙂
Guy 11: Hi, how are you?
Guy 12: Hi
Guy 12 [10 minutes later]: Hello

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