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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 69: Resolutions
Aug 13th, 2017 by Dr Karma

As I’m on an academic calendar, I’m nearing the start of a new year, and I find myself making resolutions–I want to take more walks, to see more movies, to experiment with document design for my students, etc.

I have a few dating resolutions as well. A recent “meh” first date and a recent awesome first date have brought them into clearer focus.

Nobody is perfect, but . . .
1. If I shy away from giving a guy my phone number when asked, then I don’t really want that next date. I should trust my gut instead of trying to justify another date because he’s nice.
2. If he can’t keep up with me, I’m gonna be so bored, so soon.
3. If I would not recommend him to my friends, because I know what they deserve, then I should pretend to be my own friend, and counsel myself with the same love.
4. Finally (with images from Allie Brosh):

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 66: When they threaten to “do masturbate.”
Jul 9th, 2017 by Dr Karma

If I’ve already told you I’m not interested, why would you message me a week or a month later asking for a hookup?

Guy 1: Hello I’m jesse you have amazing eyes!

Me: Hi, Jesse. Thanks for the compliment. Unfortunately, I don’t want to date someone as far away as Stockton. I hope you have a wonderful day!

Guy 1: Ty sexy

11 days later:

Guy 1: Hello I would love to give you a Australian kiss! 

[That’s a random offer to go down on me.]

Me: I’m not interested in hooking up with you.

 

In May, I had a frustrating conversation with Guy 2. His profile was pretty blank, he hadn’t answered many questions, etc. When I told him I wasn’t interested b/c of that, he wrote more and answered more questions, which was helpful in that it allowed me to see that we weren’t at all compatible. Took a while to shake him, though–he just kept hounding me. Then I finally thought he’d gone away.

A month later:

Him: Hi how you doing

Me: I’m still not interested in pursuing a relationship.

Him: I know I just asked how u doing

Me: I’m busy–I’m overseas at a conference. I’m not sure why you’re messaging me.

Him: Oh nice .. have fun

A little later:

Him: I was looking for hookups and I u r pics turn me on

Me: How strange. On May 12th, you wrote this to me: “I am also not looking for casual sex..”

So I guess you were lying.

Him: I’m not laying on that time .but I haven’t had sex for last 8 months and I was so much turn on last night

And your profile I always like and you pics turn me on so much

Me: I’m not interested in you.

Him: I know I was just trying my luck if you are ready for hookup with me but that’s fine I can watch porn and do masturbate

Me: I will never want to hook up with you.
Enjoy your porn.

And now he’s blocked.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 65
Jul 7th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Remember the homophobe who admitted he was one and then denied it and said he wasn’t interested any more since I was being so tiring by maintaining the consistent position of being not at all interested in him (entries 61 and 62)?

He wrote. Again.

Him: Why are we sometimes 79% match and some other time different than 79% ? I thought about what you said and you were right. I was new on the site and did not answer your questions correctly. It has been very time consuming and no results 🙁 Probably i am not good in this internet thing.

Me: I haven’t looked at your profile lately, so I don’t know if the numbers are changing.
If you changed some of your answers or answered more questions, then that would shift the number.
OKC might also be running an test.

Him: Thanks for your kind explanation.

Are you on line and drinking wine?

Me: I’m teaching in Oxford, UK this month. I’m eating breakfast and prepping for class.

And I’m not interested in chatting; this isn’t going anywhere.

Him: My apologies. Here is 4 days holidays and late at night. My mom saw your profile and thought you are the best 🙂 Sorry. Enjoy your trip and good luck in your class. I always felt you are high caliber intelligent person but not to this extent. Forgive my ignorance and wrong assumptions.

Two days later:

Him: so how did your class go? Would you share what was the subject or do you have any scripts of your lecture?I am just curious nothing more. I have a very strong personality and i am very independent and do not expect anything just curious 🙂

Part of the problem thus far is that I tend to answer people if they say more than “hi.” There’s this sense of politeness. But, again, I’m reminded of a fact I’ve written about before. In online dating, women are more often than not punished for being polite.

This post talks about what one man serially does to women. In the example cited at length, he claims he’ll leave the uninterested woman alone–if she engages–and quickly turns abusive when she doesn’t.

And what’s up with the mom comment?

Maybe he should let her read what he wrote to me, and then she can tell him why he’s now blocked.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 64
Jul 3rd, 2017 by Dr Karma

Him: I see, through thirty
Getting older, every day
My soul drawing pictures
Of innocent times
Can you add, color, inside these lines i want u to lead me take me somewhere one day 🙂

Me: Hi; thanks for your message.
I generally don’t answer people with minimally-finished profiles.
Based on your answers to questions, we are probably not looking for the same thing. You say you’re looking for a woman to have children with–I’m done with all that. You also say your relationship with God is important; I’m an atheist.

Him: you dont know me

I see, through thirty
Getting older, every day
My soul drawing pictures
Of innocent times
Can you add, color, inside these lines i want u to lead me take me somewhere one day 🙂

Me: I don’t know you–and your profile is pretty blank. But I did read the answers to the couple of questions you answered, and I’m not seeing much compatibility.

Him: I see, through thirty
Getting older, every day
My soul drawing pictures
Of innocent times
Can you add, color, inside these lines i want u to lead me take me somewhere one day 🙂

Me: Cutting and pasting that pick-up line over and over again isn’t encouraging me to have a conversation.
I hope you have a good holiday weekend and that you find the perfect woman for you!
Goodbye!

Him: yolo berry yogurt thanks i will

WTF was that?

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s Online Dating: Entry 58
Apr 16th, 2017 by Dr Karma

This* is why it’s not a good idea to answer everybody.

And it’s the end of a very short lived experiment, in which I called guys on it when I didn’t think they’d read my profile, which indicated that I will only really answer when someone has a filled out profile, has answered questions, says more than hi, etc.

What happens below is sad.

A guy messaged me. His profile was mostly blank, but did indicate that he was a smoker who wanted kids. He had only answered a couple of questions, one of which said “jealousy is healthy in a relationship.” Another indicated that his Christian faith was important to him.

Him: Hi nice meeting you

Me: I don’t think you read my profile. 🙁

Him: A writer university teacher [these are basically the first three words of my profile]

Anyway I like your profile

I we like to no little more about you if you don’t mind

Me: It just didn’t seem like you read it cause I talked about what made me likely to answer and what I was looking for.
I don’t date smokers, and I’m not having more kids, so we seem incompatible.

Him: If because of you I we stop smoking I like the food you like can you just be honest and be real to me babe..

Me: I am being honest.

I’ve had guys say they’d quit for me before. It’s never once happened.
And I am not having more children.
And your profile is mostly blank.
And I’m an atheist while god is extremely important to you.
And I don’t think jealousy is healthy in a relationship.
I’m not seeing compatibility here.

Him: Babe I we never quit Whit you I promise I we be real and honest with you I’m different form the other guys

Babe do you have hangout or kik so we can talk better..

Me: I don’t have those apps, and I’m not interested in talking to you more. Your profile information doesn’t give much information, but the little information it does give me signals that we’re not compatible.

Him: Babe you free to ask anything you Wanna no about me

I’m new here that why but anything else you ask I we answer you

Me: It seems like we’re having a basic communication problem here.
You are interested in me because of my pictures and what I wrote on my profile; thus, you want to know more about me.
I’m NOT interested in you because you basically have a blank profile.
Go back and read my profile down at the bottom again about what I’m looking for:
“I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.”

Him: Babe am new in OKC so I don’t no more about it I we be very happy if you can put me true in this app a friend told me about it that he meet is future wife here and the wife is honest humble trust and she have respect that why am here too for real trust humble women that we can understand each other…

Me: And I hope you find the right person for you, but I don’t think I’m it.
You need to find someone you have things in common with.
Or at least someone who doesn’t mind blank profiles.

Him: Since I go true your profile am very happy you are God sent to me

My dear what Can do about my profile that’s blank I do anything to make me be real and honest with you

Me: My profile says this: “You should message me if you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker.”
I don’t think you’re what I’m looking for.

Him: Babe if that’s all what you want am interesting with it and I love movies too…

Me: You are not a nonsmoker.
You have not indicated that you are smart, funny, sexy, or liberal.
I don’t think you’re secure in yourself based on this conversation and on the fact that you think jealousy is healthy in a relationship.
It’s also a turn-off to say “God sent you to me” to an atheist.

Him: Sweetheart all this is your favorite thing and I do more then you smart, funny, sexy,nonsmoker, I told you I don’t no. more about OKC I don’t no what jealousy mean in relationship my dear if you don’t like someone jealous in relationships I accept with you dear….

I what you to come into my life and make it a wonderful world to live in…

My dear like am having special feelings for you right now

Me: You don’t know anything about me.
I think you like my pictures.

Him: My love you we tell me more better about yourself

But I love everything about you I love all your pictures, I love your profile I we like to be honest with you so I we be proud of you dear…

So my princess, what’s your name and I we like to see more of your love pictures and to share my own with you…

Me: I’m going to end this conversation.
I have politely told you that I’m not interested–SEVERAL times.
Nothing you have said in these messages has sparked my interest.
The last few messages–about special feelings, about god sending me to you, and calling me your love–have creeped me out.
I do really hope that you find the right person for you.
Here’s some advice about finding that person:
1. answer more questions on OKC. Most women won’t answer unless you’ve answered at least 50.
2. put some more information in your profile–be specific. Lots of guys say they’re looking for honesty. It doesn’t make you sound interesting or unique if you just give a general sentence or two.
3. When you send a message, say something specific–ask about something a woman has said she’s interested in on her profile, for example.
4. Don’t start sounding like you’re obsessed, especially if a woman says she’s not interested.
Best of luck to you in your search.

[And then I blocked him.]

*This is from quite a while ago.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 57
Apr 12th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Twice now, I’ve gotten messages inspiring deja vu.

Because I had gotten those exact messages, from those exact guys before. Both guys have gone silent when I’ve pointed it out.

I’m disappointed to be subject to cutting and pasting, and I understand that a message here or there is forgettable in and of itself.

But still.

Fuck dating.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 56
Apr 1st, 2017 by Dr Karma

Guy 3 (with a selfie in a wife beater pic) in the “gonna call you on not reading” challenge was kind enough to explain his philosophy.

Him: Hi 

Me: I don’t think you actually read my profile.
🙁 

Him: Im sorry for not reading your profile, its just that i like to know the person by conversation… it makes the person more exciting nd mysterious  

Reading kills the excitement of wanting to know someone deep down inside

Not sure if you understand

What drew me to you was your smile… its so honest and sincere😃

Me: We seem to be opposites. If someone has a blank profile, I have NO interest in them. If they can’t say anything interesting, then I assume they’re not interesting.
Knowing a little something interesting about the person is what makes me want to get to know them further. 

Him: ,Ok ok… that’s fair . I see dont want to waste your time in someone who does not connect to you… but have you heard of the saying “oppsites attract”… im an open book you can ask me anything… if not you can close this book of mystery and move on… it up to you if you want to get to know me 

Me: All the guys with mostly blank profiles make that same offer–that I can ask them anything.
But I’m on OKC (instead of Tinder, etc.) because I like the questions feature and the ability to put a couple of sentences up there instead of a couple of words.
You see blankness and see a mystery underneath. I see blankness and just see blankness. 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 55
Mar 18th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Today, I made my first meme. I have a short entry from my experiment in calling guys on not reading my profile that inspired it.

“toomacho”: Hi.

Me: I don’t think you read my profile before writing. 🙁

toomacho: Why?

toomacho: I’m too lazy for that

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 54
Mar 8th, 2017 by Dr Karma

So a couple of weeks ago, I did an experiment–I called guys on not reading my profile.

The first result (and a reminder of what my profile says) is here.

Guy Two uses 11 words to describe himself on his profile. I couldn’t read his answers to questions, but OKC tells me he’s 40% incompatible with me, based on what I care about.

Him: Hi.. how s it going You are beautiful, I hope we can be friends

Me: I’m looking for a partner, not just a friend. But thank you for the compliment; it was nice to wake up to! 🙂 Have a great day!

Him: Morning .. everything starts with friendship ​

I would like to take you out

Me: Things do start with friendship, but your profile says friendship is what you’re looking for–not long-term dating. It also says you want kids. I’m not having any more of those.

Him: I am still learning how to use this dating site. Yes I want relationship with my compatible person. Kids depend on my partner ​

Me: Did you “lock” almost all of your questions? I can only see your answers to two of them.

Him: No​

Wasn’t comfortable to put my info in my profile

Me: I’m confused then–the site says you’ve answered forty questions, but I can only see your answers to two. It is telling me that, based on your answers, we’re not a good match.

Him: You can ask any question you want ​

Me: If you read my profile all the way through, you’ll know I hate it when guys say that. 🙂

Him: My bad

Me: I’m on OKC instead of other sites so I don’t have to play 20 questions to figure out basic compatibility. Can you see all of my answers?

Him: I didn’t read yet

And then maybe he did–cause that was the (always inevitable) end.​

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The Continuing Adventure’s of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 53
Feb 28th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I decided to do an experiment.

The first sentence in my profile is Please read the “You should message me if” section before messaging.

The You Should Message Me If part says, . . . you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker. No long distance, please. (If you’re a difficult/long drive away, it’s not gonna happen.)

This site isn’t connected to my phone, so I’m not really available to chat; instead, I come online once or twice a day to read and answer messages. So tell me something about yourself or ask me a question or tell me a dating horror story–I love those. If we find we have things to talk about, we’ll set up a meet. (If you’re the type of guy who needs to text a girl every three minutes and have her text you back right away, I’m probably not the girl for you.)

I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.

The experiment: for a day, call people on obviously not reading.

Man 1 only said this on his profile: A loving and caring man.

He had answered 25 questions. Based on that, we are 35% NOT suited for each other.

Him: hello,how are you doing?

Me: I don’t think you read my profile.

Him: lol

what makes you think that way

Me: Because I don’t think you’ve read the “message me if” part at all–you’re basically doing everything I said not to do.

Him: funny

Me: Not trying to be–just being honest. Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Have a good night.

 

More results of the experiment to follow.

 

 

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