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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 65
Jul 7th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Remember the homophobe who admitted he was one and then denied it and said he wasn’t interested any more since I was being so tiring by maintaining the consistent position of being not at all interested in him (entries 61 and 62)?

He wrote. Again.

Him: Why are we sometimes 79% match and some other time different than 79% ? I thought about what you said and you were right. I was new on the site and did not answer your questions correctly. It has been very time consuming and no results 🙁 Probably i am not good in this internet thing.

Me: I haven’t looked at your profile lately, so I don’t know if the numbers are changing.
If you changed some of your answers or answered more questions, then that would shift the number.
OKC might also be running an test.

Him: Thanks for your kind explanation.

Are you on line and drinking wine?

Me: I’m teaching in Oxford, UK this month. I’m eating breakfast and prepping for class.

And I’m not interested in chatting; this isn’t going anywhere.

Him: My apologies. Here is 4 days holidays and late at night. My mom saw your profile and thought you are the best 🙂 Sorry. Enjoy your trip and good luck in your class. I always felt you are high caliber intelligent person but not to this extent. Forgive my ignorance and wrong assumptions.

Two days later:

Him: so how did your class go? Would you share what was the subject or do you have any scripts of your lecture?I am just curious nothing more. I have a very strong personality and i am very independent and do not expect anything just curious 🙂

Part of the problem thus far is that I tend to answer people if they say more than “hi.” There’s this sense of politeness. But, again, I’m reminded of a fact I’ve written about before. In online dating, women are more often than not punished for being polite.

This post talks about what one man serially does to women. In the example cited at length, he claims he’ll leave the uninterested woman alone–if she engages–and quickly turns abusive when she doesn’t.

And what’s up with the mom comment?

Maybe he should let her read what he wrote to me, and then she can tell him why he’s now blocked.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 62
Jun 25th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Last week, I shared the story of a guy from Carmichael who had homophobic answers to questions on OKC. I thought saying “I don’t date homophobes” would end the conversation, especially since he’d said homophobia was a “weakness” of his.

He didn’t go away, though. Here the (annotated) conversation continues:

Him: I am not homephobes. Which question gave u the impression?

At any rate have a wonderful day and take care.

Me: There’s a question about how you would feel if a gay friend hugged you, a question about guys wearing makeup, a question about gay people having children, etc.

Him: Lol, My friend filled out some of the questions while I was away from computer at work. I have no problem with any of those. He has played a prank on me. I think every human being is free to live and create a family anyway he or she wants as long as it does not hurt others. It is a totally private thing for an individual. I believe in equality of men and women and so on.

I am mainly looking for a good solid friend. And be honest with you it is not easy to find someone like you with this level of liberalism, education and so on in this area. Friendship and good intellectual conversation with someone is the main thing for me. But honey you need to give it time to understand each other. By the way there is this learning process meaning we can learn from each other about this things that we might be mistaken.

What is your number? or whatever else which is trendy these days to do voice. I am seeking only friendship the rest is up to you if u like me more. You set the limits and i will respect them.

And life, friendship is more colorful than some questions and answers. You throw an apple up it makes many various turns before comes back down.

Joke time : This really super pretty but dump actress see Bernard Shaw who was super smart but not good looking. She tells Bernard lets make a kid together so the kid gets her look from me and her IQ from you. Bernard replies I am afraid opposite can happen so kid gets her IQ from you and her look from me !

[Argh. Go away. Every message I’ve sent has been to say “no thanks.” I don’t want to talk or be friends or have you send me poetry or call me honey (when guys say it in sentences designed to change my mind, I feel talked down to). The GBS “joke” is a story in which GBS makes a joke. And, of course, as a GBS scholar, I’ve heard it before.]

Me: Look: I’m not on here for more friends. I’m looking for a partner. When I first said your answers were homophobic, you admitted it–you said it was your weakness.
I feel like you’re just trying to backtrack now.
Nothing about our interaction has made me want to give you my number–I didn’t like the cut and paste; I don’t like the answers to a lot of your questions. Your profile is pretty blank, etc.
I’m not interested.

Him: I meant all good and somehow you keep misunderstanding me. When i said friend I meant I care about you that I even wana keep you as a friend if you don’t feel I am qualified enough for more. See this is the problem with texting the feelings are hidden or even miss represented. Take it easy and enjoy. You have made me tired and I am not interested at all. Take care

By the way thanks for your feedback I am adding to my profile.

[You care about me? What? You don’t know me.]

[You want to keep me as a friend? We’d have to be friends for you to keep me.]

[I keep misunderstanding you? And you find that exhausting? We finally have something in common. My view of this conversation: Me: I’m not interested. You: But get to know me. Me: No, because . . . You: Yeah, but settle for me. Me: No. You: But get to know me; I’m great really. Give me your personal number, like you would for someone you’re actually interested in. That way, I can bother you and make you interested in me. Me: No. You: I care about you, best friend forever.]

Me: Farewell!

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating (Episode 18): What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate
Dec 28th, 2015 by Dr Karma

Yesterday, I was messaged by a man in the Bay Area. I was surprised by the message, since OKC said we had a 30% enemies factor (OKC calculates things based not only on my answers, but on the answers I say are acceptable for a partner, and on the importance I give such answers). He and I are “enemies” for a variety of reasons–he had several answers that indicated he’s the jealous type (like answering “yes” to “is jealousy healthy in a relationship?”); he said he’s looking for someone to have children with, that “marriage is a necessity when a couple loves each other,” that creation theory should be taught alongside evolution in science classes, etc.

I explained that we weren’t suited for each other. He tried to say that he didn’t actually believe any of those things I had objections to (he wasn’t the only guy with that defense yesterday–one guy said, “oh, the questions aren’t important”). He kept asking for my number, but I think we all know how I feel about offering up my number to some stranger.

I then explained that he is also too far away (he was offering to meet halfway–in Fairfield). (Yesterday was long distance day. This guy, a guy in Pittsburg, CA, a guy in Reno, NV, and a guy in Clearlake, CA all tried to convince me that distance is not a factor [when I get to decide what factors are in my own damn dating life!].)

We’ll pick up the conversation there:

Me: I admire your persistence, but I’m not interested in dating you. I don’t want a long distance boyfriend. I hope you find what you’re looking for!

Him: Good morning Is not long distance relationships You are the first real woman in here I really like that [sic]

Me: My profile is very clear about what I consider long distance–if I’m not willing to do the drive, then I’m not going to date you. . . . I answered your first message because I’m polite, and I answer everyone who leaves an actual message. In that first message, I indicated that I’m not interested in dating you. You’re making me regret my politeness; please take my no for an answer.

Him: Im open to talk about Politeness I have not negative think Ok let’s met in your town this week ? What day is with for you ? ​[sic]

Me: I have told you in every single message that I’m not interested in dating you. I’ve asked you very politely to take my no. I will not be answering any more messages from you.

Him:

  • 😢

 

 

Update: 12 days later, he wrote me again: “Good morning beautiful woman How are you today?”

Not sure if he’s hoping I’ve changed my mind or if he doesn’t remember that’s he’s tried and failed with me already.

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