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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 59
Apr 30th, 2017 by Dr Karma

New in my inbox this morning:

Guy 1: Are you open to something casual?

 

Guy 2: That’s a such good luck meeting you ☘☘☘☘

I have been traveling for the last 1 year hitchhiking and CouchSurfing all the way from Brasil to here And now that I saw your profile I’ve thought: why don’t ask for a couch to sleep?

Do you know couchsurfing? That app who connect friends that haven’t met yet. The traveler arrive, cook a Brazilian dinner together, drink a wine, make a new friend and go to sleep in separated beds

How does it sounds to you? To much weird?

Or we can have a normal date as well… no problem to me ;)​

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The Handmaid’s Tale: Now on Hulu!
Apr 26th, 2017 by Dr Karma

For much of my youth, I was put off by dystopic visions. I’m not sure if this was because I was so frightened of what my own future could become, if I was horrified by the dark glimpses into human nature that dystopias provide or because I’d been frightened by a childhood viewing of an HBO special on Nostradamus, featuring explorations of a coming apocalypse that were rather hysterical (in both senses of the word). I eschewed all of the texts that would later captivate me (like Bladerunner) and settled on comforting visions of the future (like the socialist near paradise that was Star Trek). Then, in high school, there was The Handmaid’s Tale. One relative, who had not read the book, but who had heard some rumors about it, tried to deny me access, even though it was required reading. Luckily, I prevailed. It entranced me, both with its ideas and its language—which could be poetic and tragic and comic all at the same time. When Aunt Lydia tells the girls that they are rare and valued, like pearls, our narrator contemplates the metaphor: “I think about pearls. Pearls are congealed oyster spit” (145)—it was exactly the type of close reading that I was prone to do.

Perhaps the text drew me in because I identified with it. Atwood wrote parts of the novel in Alabama, very near where I was growing up (in “Florbama”—the part of Florida directly underneath Alabama). Her world seemed very real to me—I was deep in the Bible belt; our world history teacher was forbidden to acknowledge that there was any history before the ancient Egyptians, as that fact offended parents who believed the Earth was only 6000 years old; abstinence only education was standard; an abortion provider, David Gunn, was murdered in my town right around the time we encountered the handmaid’s repressive society.

I was electrified. Not all students responded the same way, of course. I remember one girl complaining that she didn’t like the book because it was disturbing. And I remember the teacher’s response: “Good. It’s supposed to disturb you.”

Those are the first three paragraphs of my introductory essay to Atwood’s Apocalypses.

I’m crazy excited about Hulu’s premiere today. It’s taking all my willpower to do work this morning instead of watching. Fingers crossed that this is better than the much maligned film (with a screenplay by Nobel Prize winner Harold Pinter)!

A review of the start will be coming soon.

In the meantime, are you excited about Atwood? Consider liking The Margaret Atwood Society on Facebook or following us on Twitter (@atwoodsociety)–we post lots of Atwood news there–for free!

Full membership is only $15.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s Online Dating: Entry 58
Apr 16th, 2017 by Dr Karma

This* is why it’s not a good idea to answer everybody.

And it’s the end of a very short lived experiment, in which I called guys on it when I didn’t think they’d read my profile, which indicated that I will only really answer when someone has a filled out profile, has answered questions, says more than hi, etc.

What happens below is sad.

A guy messaged me. His profile was mostly blank, but did indicate that he was a smoker who wanted kids. He had only answered a couple of questions, one of which said “jealousy is healthy in a relationship.” Another indicated that his Christian faith was important to him.

Him: Hi nice meeting you

Me: I don’t think you read my profile. 🙁

Him: A writer university teacher [these are basically the first three words of my profile]

Anyway I like your profile

I we like to no little more about you if you don’t mind

Me: It just didn’t seem like you read it cause I talked about what made me likely to answer and what I was looking for.
I don’t date smokers, and I’m not having more kids, so we seem incompatible.

Him: If because of you I we stop smoking I like the food you like can you just be honest and be real to me babe..

Me: I am being honest.

I’ve had guys say they’d quit for me before. It’s never once happened.
And I am not having more children.
And your profile is mostly blank.
And I’m an atheist while god is extremely important to you.
And I don’t think jealousy is healthy in a relationship.
I’m not seeing compatibility here.

Him: Babe I we never quit Whit you I promise I we be real and honest with you I’m different form the other guys

Babe do you have hangout or kik so we can talk better..

Me: I don’t have those apps, and I’m not interested in talking to you more. Your profile information doesn’t give much information, but the little information it does give me signals that we’re not compatible.

Him: Babe you free to ask anything you Wanna no about me

I’m new here that why but anything else you ask I we answer you

Me: It seems like we’re having a basic communication problem here.
You are interested in me because of my pictures and what I wrote on my profile; thus, you want to know more about me.
I’m NOT interested in you because you basically have a blank profile.
Go back and read my profile down at the bottom again about what I’m looking for:
“I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.”

Him: Babe am new in OKC so I don’t no more about it I we be very happy if you can put me true in this app a friend told me about it that he meet is future wife here and the wife is honest humble trust and she have respect that why am here too for real trust humble women that we can understand each other…

Me: And I hope you find the right person for you, but I don’t think I’m it.
You need to find someone you have things in common with.
Or at least someone who doesn’t mind blank profiles.

Him: Since I go true your profile am very happy you are God sent to me

My dear what Can do about my profile that’s blank I do anything to make me be real and honest with you

Me: My profile says this: “You should message me if you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker.”
I don’t think you’re what I’m looking for.

Him: Babe if that’s all what you want am interesting with it and I love movies too…

Me: You are not a nonsmoker.
You have not indicated that you are smart, funny, sexy, or liberal.
I don’t think you’re secure in yourself based on this conversation and on the fact that you think jealousy is healthy in a relationship.
It’s also a turn-off to say “God sent you to me” to an atheist.

Him: Sweetheart all this is your favorite thing and I do more then you smart, funny, sexy,nonsmoker, I told you I don’t no. more about OKC I don’t no what jealousy mean in relationship my dear if you don’t like someone jealous in relationships I accept with you dear….

I what you to come into my life and make it a wonderful world to live in…

My dear like am having special feelings for you right now

Me: You don’t know anything about me.
I think you like my pictures.

Him: My love you we tell me more better about yourself

But I love everything about you I love all your pictures, I love your profile I we like to be honest with you so I we be proud of you dear…

So my princess, what’s your name and I we like to see more of your love pictures and to share my own with you…

Me: I’m going to end this conversation.
I have politely told you that I’m not interested–SEVERAL times.
Nothing you have said in these messages has sparked my interest.
The last few messages–about special feelings, about god sending me to you, and calling me your love–have creeped me out.
I do really hope that you find the right person for you.
Here’s some advice about finding that person:
1. answer more questions on OKC. Most women won’t answer unless you’ve answered at least 50.
2. put some more information in your profile–be specific. Lots of guys say they’re looking for honesty. It doesn’t make you sound interesting or unique if you just give a general sentence or two.
3. When you send a message, say something specific–ask about something a woman has said she’s interested in on her profile, for example.
4. Don’t start sounding like you’re obsessed, especially if a woman says she’s not interested.
Best of luck to you in your search.

[And then I blocked him.]

*This is from quite a while ago.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 57
Apr 12th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Twice now, I’ve gotten messages inspiring deja vu.

Because I had gotten those exact messages, from those exact guys before. Both guys have gone silent when I’ve pointed it out.

I’m disappointed to be subject to cutting and pasting, and I understand that a message here or there is forgettable in and of itself.

But still.

Fuck dating.

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What I’m Reading
Apr 9th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Years ago, I read Jane Eyre for class while sick with the flu. It’s fitting that I had Lyndsay Faye’s Jane Steele to read during my week of the spinal cord stimulator test. Jane Steele‘s narrator is very much like Jane Eyre, and Faye manages to capture 19th century storytelling in a captivating way. This narrator has more spunk than the original Jane–more desires of her own and less patience with prurient males and idiots. She’s more like us, except she’s killed more people.

I also just finished (and enjoyed!) Julia Claiborne Johnson’s Be Frank with Me, about a young woman in the publishing industry who is assigned to help a famous reclusive writer pen a second novel. Helping means taking over the full-time childcare of the author’s precocious, socially awkward son.

While I was traveling to Chicago a couple of weeks ago, I started The Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne. I read the first novel in a day–it’s delightful urban fantasy with a great comic touch. The hero is an old druid living in the modern world–with a penchant for Shakespeare and helping people know their sprites from their fairies and their adjectives from their adverbs.

And everyone’s read Hag-seed by Atwood now, right? BECAUSE IT’S AMAZING!

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What “Alike” Gets Wrong About Education
Apr 4th, 2017 by Dr Karma

When we learned multiplication, one of my classmates discovered he could multiply the top by the bottom OR the bottom by the top and get the same answer.

The teacher made him do his worksheet over.

I watched–and learned–do it her way, or do extra work.

These are the moments that people probably think of when they watch the new Pixar film, Alike. The link I followed made this clear, arguing that the film was touching a cord as it skewers school for making us lose our creativity.

But that’s not what I thought about when I watched this film.

I thought about how I had teachers who fought to teach us science and history in a place (the south) where parents tried to get them fired for doing so.

I thought about my theory of knowledge class–where the very nature of truth and knowledge came under fire–where we were encouraged to debate and to test.

I thought about the encouragement I got from an orchestra teacher when he heard me trying to figure out Flight of the Bumblebee without any sheet music.

I thought about the teacher who circled my cover sheet statement that said 600 words. We had written short stories–the minimum was supposed to be 1000 words. My teacher crossed out her circle after reading the story and wrote “A+ — you couldn’t have added one more word without ruining it!”

I thought about the writing teacher in middle school whose comments were always longer than my papers.

I thought about the teacher who paid out of her own pocket for us all to have our own frog to dissect. Something was coming out of my frog’s abdomen already. I asked what it was and she said, “you’re the best one to figure that out.” (The frog had apparently died of an awful hernia, I discovered.)

I thought about my teachers telling me to learn the rules–before I could break them “prudently.”

I thought about the teachers who forgave me for my chronic lateness–they knew my mom wouldn’t get up to take me to school on time.

I thought about the teachers who listened to me and supported me and encouraged me and basically stood in for the support I didn’t always get at home.

I thought about the teachers who had to deal with us–heartbroken, always–and give advice without reminding us that young love is inherently stupid and dramatic.

I thought about the one teacher who knew I was pregnant the same day I knew (because I told her)–and how she made sure I was always “busy” when it was time to move a piano and who complimented me on the “creative costuming” that let my issue stay hidden until the beginning of the third trimester.

I thought about so many of my university teachers–who managed to open my mind even though I thought I knew how the world worked already.

I thought about the teachers who encouraged me to think.

I thought about the teachers who encouraged me to read.

I thought about the teachers who encouraged me to write.

I thought about the teachers who encouraged me to act.

I thought about the teachers who encouraged me to sing.

Can education, when done poorly, kill your creativity? Yeah.

But I became a teacher because my teachers opened my world. My teachers gave me a future. My teachers saved me.

Everyone who moves on in education can think of a few bad teachers. And a few amazing ones. And that has made all the difference.

And now I’ve become a teacher–because I want not just education that inspires, but a job that inspires me as well.

PS–why isn’t the current critique of this film about the awful work world too?

PPS–even though I think this kid’s artistic side should be nurtured, he does need to learn to write. (Says the writing teacher.)

PPPS–Yes, I’m also the viewer who thinks the English teacher in The Blind Side is not the bad guy!

 

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 56
Apr 1st, 2017 by Dr Karma

Guy 3 (with a selfie in a wife beater pic) in the “gonna call you on not reading” challenge was kind enough to explain his philosophy.

Him: Hi 

Me: I don’t think you actually read my profile.
🙁 

Him: Im sorry for not reading your profile, its just that i like to know the person by conversation… it makes the person more exciting nd mysterious  

Reading kills the excitement of wanting to know someone deep down inside

Not sure if you understand

What drew me to you was your smile… its so honest and sincere😃

Me: We seem to be opposites. If someone has a blank profile, I have NO interest in them. If they can’t say anything interesting, then I assume they’re not interesting.
Knowing a little something interesting about the person is what makes me want to get to know them further. 

Him: ,Ok ok… that’s fair . I see dont want to waste your time in someone who does not connect to you… but have you heard of the saying “oppsites attract”… im an open book you can ask me anything… if not you can close this book of mystery and move on… it up to you if you want to get to know me 

Me: All the guys with mostly blank profiles make that same offer–that I can ask them anything.
But I’m on OKC (instead of Tinder, etc.) because I like the questions feature and the ability to put a couple of sentences up there instead of a couple of words.
You see blankness and see a mystery underneath. I see blankness and just see blankness. 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 55
Mar 18th, 2017 by Dr Karma

Today, I made my first meme. I have a short entry from my experiment in calling guys on not reading my profile that inspired it.

“toomacho”: Hi.

Me: I don’t think you read my profile before writing. 🙁

toomacho: Why?

toomacho: I’m too lazy for that

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 54
Mar 8th, 2017 by Dr Karma

So a couple of weeks ago, I did an experiment–I called guys on not reading my profile.

The first result (and a reminder of what my profile says) is here.

Guy Two uses 11 words to describe himself on his profile. I couldn’t read his answers to questions, but OKC tells me he’s 40% incompatible with me, based on what I care about.

Him: Hi.. how s it going You are beautiful, I hope we can be friends

Me: I’m looking for a partner, not just a friend. But thank you for the compliment; it was nice to wake up to! 🙂 Have a great day!

Him: Morning .. everything starts with friendship ​

I would like to take you out

Me: Things do start with friendship, but your profile says friendship is what you’re looking for–not long-term dating. It also says you want kids. I’m not having any more of those.

Him: I am still learning how to use this dating site. Yes I want relationship with my compatible person. Kids depend on my partner ​

Me: Did you “lock” almost all of your questions? I can only see your answers to two of them.

Him: No​

Wasn’t comfortable to put my info in my profile

Me: I’m confused then–the site says you’ve answered forty questions, but I can only see your answers to two. It is telling me that, based on your answers, we’re not a good match.

Him: You can ask any question you want ​

Me: If you read my profile all the way through, you’ll know I hate it when guys say that. 🙂

Him: My bad

Me: I’m on OKC instead of other sites so I don’t have to play 20 questions to figure out basic compatibility. Can you see all of my answers?

Him: I didn’t read yet

And then maybe he did–cause that was the (always inevitable) end.​

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The Continuing Adventure’s of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 53
Feb 28th, 2017 by Dr Karma

I decided to do an experiment.

The first sentence in my profile is Please read the “You should message me if” section before messaging.

The You Should Message Me If part says, . . . you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker. No long distance, please. (If you’re a difficult/long drive away, it’s not gonna happen.)

This site isn’t connected to my phone, so I’m not really available to chat; instead, I come online once or twice a day to read and answer messages. So tell me something about yourself or ask me a question or tell me a dating horror story–I love those. If we find we have things to talk about, we’ll set up a meet. (If you’re the type of guy who needs to text a girl every three minutes and have her text you back right away, I’m probably not the girl for you.)

I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.

The experiment: for a day, call people on obviously not reading.

Man 1 only said this on his profile: A loving and caring man.

He had answered 25 questions. Based on that, we are 35% NOT suited for each other.

Him: hello,how are you doing?

Me: I don’t think you read my profile.

Him: lol

what makes you think that way

Me: Because I don’t think you’ve read the “message me if” part at all–you’re basically doing everything I said not to do.

Him: funny

Me: Not trying to be–just being honest. Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Have a good night.

 

More results of the experiment to follow.

 

 

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