One of my friends posted about pride, saying straight people have not been bullied for being straight. One of his friends then wrote several long comments about how critical race theory was going to lead to bullying of straight cis white men. And then there would be suicides cause we wouldn’t take it seriously.

Critical race theory is, at its most simplistic level, about bullying. About the ways in which POC have been bullied historically and about the ways in which bullying of POC has been codified into the law and our existing power structure.

It’s so telling that anytime we fight for gay rights, for women’s rights, for equal rights of any kind, privileged people think that what we want to do is to turn the tables, to reimpose a hierarchy, except with us at the top.

The problem is that their limited imagination can’t fathom a society free of sexism, racism, homophobia, classism . . .

But their nightmare of a society in which they’re oppressed is no match for our dream of one in which no one is.

I’ve just started venturing out a little bit–I’ve eaten inside a restaurant, and I’ve seen other friends who have been vaccinated.

It’s ironic that as safe as I’ve been this whole time, I had to get a Covid test after one of my friends tested positive. We still don’t know how she got it, and so far she’s fine. I’m guessing she was more vulnerable to infection than the rest of us because she got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine, which had lower protection against initial infection than the other vaccines.

My vaccine has kept me from getting infected, for example, even though we were in close contact for a few hours.

Watching so many Republicans refuse to get vaccinated, especially while countries like India and Brazil are in such danger, and while so many other people around the world don’t have access to vaccines, is infuriating. And I know it’s not just Republicans–there are conspiracy-theorists in all parties, but the Republicans were lied to by their leaders for so long that their reluctance to vaccinate has solidified into something dangerous to all of us–even knowing their leaders have been vaccinated can’t undo it.

Studies show that giving anti-vaxxers scientific information just makes the dig their heels in.

So what are we to do?

This American Life did a great episode recently, in which Republican strategist Frank Luntz (the guy who brought us manipulative political slanting like “the death tax”) worked to trump Trumpers’ concerns, using a focus group.

What he discovered has been reported elsewhere, but I highly recommend listening to the episode.

Despite all of our doubts, there was a way to reach them.

Bonus points if you can guess at which moment I screamed at an interviewee the most.

Every time I hear the Republicans report what a Democrat said, I freak out a little bit.

Remember when Obama said he was moved by Treyvon Martin’s death because if he had a son, he would look like Treyvon?

And remember how Republican pundits said that what he said was “I only care if black children die. Kill whitey!”?

Recently Joe Biden said we could maybe safely have 4th of July BBQs.

Republican pundits lost their shit, claiming Biden was saying people aren’t allowed to have a BBQ without his express permission.

I freak out when I hear stuff like that because I’ve been gaslit like that my whole life, by a couple of family members with undiagnosed and untreated Borderline Personality Disorder.

Let’s review the symptoms, according to the Mayo Clinic:

• An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection [let’s overthrow the government so King Trump won’t leave us!]
• A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel [John McCain is a hero! Wait, nevermind, he’s a coward. Let’s insult his family!]
• Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don’t exist at all [2020: We don’t even have a platform anymore!]
• Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours [Fake news! Qanon! Democrats are massive idiots who somehow stole an election!]
• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship [Nothing could possibly go wrong with aligning with white supremacists!]
• Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection [If you end the filibuster, this will be a scorched-Earth Congress!]
• Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety [We’re #1. No, wait, we’re a terrible country full of pedophiles and traitors! No, wait, we need to do everything to resist any change, cause we’re #1!]
• Ongoing feelings of emptiness [Life isn’t even worth living if I can’t show my dick to women at work and read a couple of Dr. Seuss books I’d never heard of before I learned they’re racist.]
• Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights [Let’s dox all the cucks and have a civil war!]

We do a unit on trauma in my Doctor Who class. Thus, I find myself watching “Father’s Day” a lot.

It always triggers tears–I lost my own father to a car accident; I don’t remember him. When I was a teenager, I also learned awful things about him that contradicted the rosy picture my mother had tried to paint.

I watched it again, but what I’m thinking about today is how two of my students have lost their fathers to Covid this week.

Two.

This week.

Yesterday, I spent the better part of an hour doing impromptu grief therapy for one of them. I had to remind him that although his father’s dream is for him to finish college (and thus the student thinks he must push through this quarter, despite the loss), he also has to cut himself some slack–to heal and protect himself since his dad isn’t there to do it anymore.

This week, I’m torn between sadness and anger.

Trump should have been honest about how dangerous this was. We should have listened to the scientists, and we should have had a plan. Instead, he made this a partisan issue.

His party is still lying, even about the basics of wearing masks.

These students’ fathers did not have to die.

Republicans, who lied about where Obama was born, who said he founded Isis, who spread rumors that Democrats were pedophiles who drink children’s blood, who said using a personal email server was treason, who lied about millions of illegal votes in 2016, who still regularly say we hate America, who claim we are socialists who will ban all guns, and the suburbs, and God, who say America won’t even be America anymore if Biden is the President, who lie about voter fraud, who try to get legal votes thrown out, and who “oppose” the accurate count and certification of legal votes, DO NOT GET TO SAY SHIT ABOUT DIVISIVENESS.

They do not get to talk about unity WHILE THEY ARE STILL LYING ABOUT US, STILL ENCOURAGING VIOLENT REVOLUTION.

And am I also indicting the Republicans who don’t repeat those lies?

Yes.

Because they vote for and support the Republicans who do.

It’s not just that there’s blood on all of their hands. They’re still brandishing the knife.

I keep thinking about being attacked by my mother’s boyfriend when I was visiting my mom (I was newly 18). Him saying there wasn’t room enough in my mother’s life for both of us. Me fleeing, hiding in the bushes in my underwear, since he’d appeared when I was getting ready for bed. The landlord making him leave.

The next night, he came over. He said, “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but you are a bitch.” My mother tried to force me to sit down and watch tv with them.

I was penniless, carless.

I called my aunt, who told my mother to let me read in my old room, not to force me to have happy family tv time.

I’m thinking about his, of course, because we were all attacked on Wednesday.

And now the Republicans are calling for unity.

They aren’t even faking an apology.

They aren’t sorry.

They’re still calling the terrorists heroes and patriots

Or they’re saying it was the liberals who answered Trump’s call.

They’re still saying we rigged the election.

They’re still saying we’re evil, we’re socialists, we’re anti-American.

Their idea of unity is to keep lying about us, to keep riling up their lunatic base, to keep eroding democracy, to keep praising the people who fly Nazi flags in their name.

They don’t want unity.

All they want is for us to not blame them, to not hold them accountable, to not enforce the laws, to allow them to keep dividing us more with every breath.

As Americans die in increasing numbers, my anxiety is ramping back up to late March and April levels.

I can’t sleep.

I miss seeing people. I miss eating out. I miss in-person classes. I miss sex. I miss touching people and animals that don’t live with me. I miss only being worried about what has brought me to the doctor’s office that day, instead of how the visit itself could hurt me.

And I’m terrified.

Terrified of my fellow Americans: the cousins and brothers-in-law and college friends in our feeds, at our grocery stores, masklessly delivering our food because we’re scared to go to the grocery store, who tell us this isn’t real, or that it is but it’s only going to kill off the weak (like me), or that masks don’t work 100% so why bother, or that most of those quarter of a million dead Americans probably actually just died of heart attacks and strokes (it’s just a coincidence that they were intubated at the time), or that they’re safe because they take baths, or that Jesus will protect them, or that all the doctors are lying to make more money . . . .

Prove us wrong, assholes.

Let’s do an experiment.

Put on the masks, wash your hands, practice social distancing. Do it for a month.

If the numbers don’t change, even though we all did it, then you were right. My mask was always a useless piece of fabric, like a tie.

Even if Trump weren’t Trump, I would still be voting for Biden.

Not because Biden is my dream candidate or because the Democratic party is progressive enough for me.

But because there’s a clear difference between it and the Republican party’s positions.

The Republican Party (RP) won’t admit there’s structural racism. In fact, it claims “reverse racism” is worse.

RP doesn’t accept climate science.

RP isn’t just coming after abortion–it wants to take away my right birth control.

RP is rolling back protections for the many rape victims on campuses, focusing instead on the exceedingly rare cases of false rape claims.

RP wants to take some of my tax money away from public schools and give it to private schools, schools that can discriminate against students, which can refuse to accept troubled or disabled students, and which don’t have to uphold the same standards.

PR believes in draconian immigration laws.

RP thinks police get to shoot to kill, no matter what the situation.

RP believes in the death penalty.

RP doesn’t want LGBTQA+ people to have equal protection and rights under the law.

RP believes in “religious liberty,” which is the “liberty” to discriminate, sometimes lethally.

RP believes our laws should be based on their interpretation of the Bible. This is Sharia law and violates the separation between church and state.

RP believes certain kinds of science shouldn’t be taught in schools (see Sharia law, above).

RP is the only 1st world major political party that doesn’t believe in evolution. Even the Catholic Church thinks the RP is wrong on this one.

RP wants to restrict the social safety net significantly. Many Republicans would rather end it for everyone than have any people benefit who don’t “deserve” to.

RP is the only 1st world major political party that rejects universal healthcare.

RP doesn’t believe any form of protest is okay, if you’re protesting them. If you’re on their side, taking over a government building while carrying semi-automatic weapons is fine.

RP doesn’t like higher education.

RP wants to pretend America has always been perfect.

RP worships the generals of racist insurrectionists who lost a war against my country.

RP is supported by, endorsed by, and filled with KKK members, incels, and other white terrorists, and the RP minimizes their terrorism and refuses to combat it, even though their own government intelligence agencies are clear about the threat.

RP turns away refugees.

RP claims that they’re the only patriotic ones and the only moral ones, despite enormous evidence to the contrary.

RP often resists giving aid after natural disasters.

RP only wants some parts of history taught in history classes, while claiming that’s not indoctrination.

RP attacks a democratically-elected Governor, encourages her overthrow, and then blames her when their supporters follow their encouragement.

RP has an ineffective Cuba policy. Its leader’s relationships with dictatorships around the world are inconsistent, often encourage human rights abuses, and are far too cozy with the worst..

RP would invalidate some of my friends’ marriages and take away some of my friends’ children.

RP has alienated most of our allies.

RP’s own studies confirm Russian interference in our elections, but doesn’t take action.

RP denies the realities of the pandemic and what we could do to stop it. Its members keep saying we need to “reopen safely” but tell their supporters that the most basic safety measures shouldn’t be followed if doctors, scientists, or liberals suggest them.

RP has rolled back countless environmental regulations.

RP wants people in jail for smoking pot.

RP bails out banks, but not families.

RP is fine with crippling college debt.

RP sees wages stay stagnant for decades, while the cost of everything we pay for with our wages has skyrocketed by comparison, but does not support a living wage.

RP is probably thinking I shouldn’t have said the last thing, since CEO wages have increased at a much higher rate than inflation (they probably think that disproves my point somehow).

RP supports a higher tax rate on me than on the wealthy and corporations.

RP claims it’s the party of the economy, but the trend in my lifetime has been Republican=recession, Democrat=recovery.

RP refused to seat judges nominated by a black guy and then said it was the black guy’s fault for “leaving all those seats open.”

RP’s policy regarding abortion will drive the abortion rate up, and I don’t want that.

RP says the government shouldn’t have a say in my healthcare; instead, the insurance company, which will only turn a profit if it refuses the care I need, gets to make the decisions.

RP fights against all gun control legislation, even those policies the majority of its members and the majority of NRA members support.

RP pretends Puerto Ricans and other colonists aren’t American and tries to refuse them help after natural disasters.

RP is anti-union.

RP often supports unilateral treaty breaks, rather than building international consensus. At the same time, it rejects the UN, WHO, etc. Under Republicans, the US usually tries to put a gag order on overseas family planning aid, which ends up causing increased abortion numbers, and refuses to support war crimes legislation, in fear that an American might get in trouble for committing them.

RP pretends the Constitution was written by omniscient people who foresaw every social, economic, and political change, crisis, and challenge we would ever undergo (aka Originalism).

RP wants to limit voting, to make it harder. It spreads false stories about voter fraud, while some of its members publicly admit its goal is to curb liberal’s ability to vote.

What do the RP and I have in common? We both want this country to be different and better than it is.

We have very different ideas about what “better” means and in some cases, like lowering the abortion rate, very different ideas about how to do it.

We’re also both hypocritical sometimes about our states’ rights positions.

Increasingly, it seems like we’re living in different worlds. They think Biden is a radical socialist. And we think he’s too conservative.

And if I use the “are you better off now” metric, the decision to vote for Biden is even easier.

My life is much, much worse than it was four years ago, economically, socially, and emotionally.

For example, even though I’m the President of an academic society, I’m not allowed to attend some academic conferences right now, FFS–because the EU has banned us! Many family members have Covid. I have to worry about my brother, who not only is getting over Covid, but who doesn’t have insurance because of the GOP control of Florida, and I have to worry because of the constant hurricanes heading toward him, which is what the scientists said would happen if we didn’t do something about climate change. I can’t see my friends safely. Most of the students and I hate online learning; it’s also a lot more work and a lot worse for my body. My lungs have been aching because of a fire for over two months–a fire the GOP tries to blame California for, instead of acknowledging climate change. The only people who touch me are doctors, and I miss oxytocin so much. My medication makes me immuno-compromised, so I fear dying of a disease the GOP keeps lying about. My son could bring Covid home to me from work; all it would take is one person not being careful or being deliberately toxic. I had a socially distanced visit, and my one year old nephew kept trying to come to me–he’s always been able to come to me–I was the first non-parent and non-hospital person to touch him–but I had to tell him that he couldn’t. I had to tell a baby I love not to touch me, knowing that he couldn’t understand why, that he would think I didn’t love him. All of the budgets are strained, which is bad news for nontenured faculty, especially with a GOP that won’t support workers’ rights. Trump’s China policies caused much fewer Chinese students to enroll, and I’ve lost many junior colleagues who taught them. My already-ridiculous rent keeps going up. After paying $800 a month for almost ten years, I only managed to pay down a couple thousand in principle and owe more money than I borrowed for my degrees. It seems like almost every day, another unarmed person of color has been shot and all I can do is cry and fight and march and be mad when people criticize BLM by intentionally misinterpreting it with an “only” in front, and I don’t buy for a second the other side’s argument that it’s just a few bad apples, not only because of the pervasiveness, but because the GOP always sides with the cop, every. single. time. and you would think if they really believed in a few bad apples, they would be able to point to one cop who murdered a guy and say, “see–that’s a bad apple: he should face justice,” but the POC always deserves it and every cop is innocent, they say, while we wonder why Dylan Roof got a hamburger from the cops after murdering black people in a house of god because they were black when we’re pretty sure a black man who killed white people in a church a) wouldn’t be taken alive b) wouldn’t hear some version of “killing whitey must really work up an appetite, so here’s a snack” and to wonder why, after everything, a heavily armed white man who just shot a bunch of people at a protest is able to walk by police, while people are screaming to those police that he just murdered someone, and not get arrested, but then when he does, “Christians” raise money for him and deny white privilege, and the pastor of a church in my town says that murderer would make a good President.

This is a country in which a violent man who murdered a teenager sells autographed skittles to his fans. We know which party those fans vote for.

This election is about Trump and it isn’t.

Even if someone else were running on the RP ticket, the RP would still have all those distasteful positions.

And they would still be the party who, for the last four years, let a traitorous psychopath run my country.

This week, we’re watching Trumpers defend the President’s lies about how serious the virus was, despite years of their insistence that he tells the truth all the time.

Let’s pretend, for the sake of argument, that he honestly wanted to downplay it to avoid a panic–that it wasn’t about the stock market or his re-election.

He could have still brought us together. He could have said that we could easily deal with the threat, if we listened to our doctors and our scientists, if we followed their recommendations to not spread it.

But instead, he said it was like a cold or flu.

But instead, he said our doctors and scientists couldn’t be trusted.

But instead, he said our healthcare workers were stealing supplies.

But instead, he touted a dangerous cure–a drug his friends had stocks in.

But instead, he said he wanted to withhold funding from blue states, to punish us for not liking him.

But instead, he said the whole thing was a Democratic hoax, designed to take away freedom, to ruin America, to weaken his chances for re-election.

But instead, he said encouraging things about violent threats against democratically-elected state and local officials who (gasp!) took the threat seriously and told people to mask up.

But instead, he said things that made his followers think all of us who wore masks were brainwashed at best and traitors at worst.

Let’s make an important distinction about how he could have “downplayed” this: he didn’t say we misunderstood the severity. He said we were evil people who hate America.

Cause he would hate to panic anyone.

I know I’ve been playing this game for almost four years, and I’m tired of it too, but I have to ask you, Trumpers, if Obama did this–if he lied about a pandemic threat, if he said Republicans were making it up because they’re traitors, if he wanted to withhold aid from red states, if 192,000 (as of today) Americans had died, and if he doubled-down on the lies every time he got caught, would you really tell me he was right to lie to us?