My grandfather taught me about St. Urho’s Day many years ago.

Last year, I wrote about how I was spending my first St. Urho’s Day without him in the world.

Today, my nails are green and purple. I’ve made our cookies. I’ve opened my favorite wine, and I’m drinking it out of a wine glass he gave me.

Last night, just as I was falling asleep, my son asked if Thoth, our black kitten, was with me.

He wasn’t.

I assumed he was on our fenced porch.

He wasn’t.

Our adult cat is indoor/outdoor. He jumps the fence regularly.

When we discovered our other kitten, Graymalkin, was blind, however, we wanted to keep the kittens inside.

Graymalkin, strangely, figured out the cat door first (he also tore up the carpet in front of the cat door when we locked it, which led to us deciding he should be allowed the few feet of porch).

Thoth watched it all, but didn’t follow to the porch until earlier this week.
He only figured out how to jump on to the bathroom counter two days ago, so I wasn’t overly concerned.

Apparently, once he gets going, he progresses quickly.

The boy went out to look for him around the neighborhood. I did too, but I stayed closer to the house. After calling him for a while, I heard his distressed cry.

He had jumped the fence, but only made it into the neighbors’ fenced porch.

The neighbors weren’t home, but I found a loose board (sadly, we all have loose boards). I was able to gently bend it just enough to reach my hand through near the top–and I asked him to climb up to me.

He did, and I was able to get him out.

Once we were back inside, he ran to the now-locked cat door.

My back always hurts–that’s because I have degenerative disc disease and neuromuscular problems.

I am currently in PT (ongoing) for my low back and my TMJ.

Over a month ago, though, my back got worse–I thought it was just prepping to go out, like it did over Christmas break. One day, I wore a brace to teach so I didn’t bend over and exacerbate it.

But on February 13th, I woke up in crazy pain. My physical therapist worked on it that day, but it didn’t get better. Over the next few days, my massage therapist and my chiropractor also worked on it, to no avail.

And then I found myself in the ER–they gave me the usual shot for a back that’s going out and sent me home.

And the next day, I got the same shot again at my doctor’s office, because the first one hadn’t done anything. My doctor gave me oral versions of Toradol (the shot) to take through the week. At this point, I realized that the pain was really familiar–it was like when I herniated a disc 20 years ago.

I was able to drag myself to work, but my back was still awful.

So on Monday afternoon, my doctor gave me another shot and sent in an urgent request for an MRI.

Here’s what it said–three of the discs are worse than they were the last time I was checked there. However, one of them has a big bulge–it’s pressing on the nerve root in my spine.

Now I have an urgent referral to the pain clinic. My doctor would like to try injections to reduce the bulge, but I won’t know more until I get in to see the specialists.

When this happened 20 years ago, I didn’t have insurance (even though I was a full-time graduate student and employee of a university). Thus, there wasn’t much I could do but suffer.

When I started work at Davis, though, I had access to care, because my union had fought for that.

Still, it took a year to get me into an MRI. Because no one believed me. I was young and thin. They told me to do yoga and to exercise. They said I could lose five pounds.

When I finally got the MRI, I was scheduled for an emergency surgery the next day. A massive herniation was pressing way into the spinal column, causing nerve damage that has never healed.

Me: I TOLD YOU SO!

My surgeon bragged about how big the herniation was–he said he’d showed it to everyone.

It was probably so massive because it had been allowed to get bigger for over a year.

So this sucks. And it’s affecting my mood and cognition and abilities.

But I’m also thankful for healthcare, for a doctor who knows and trusts me and who sent a message about the MRI results late on a Friday night, so I would know what they revealed on the same day he did, for options for what to do now–and I’m not worried if they say surgery–cause last time it took the average pain from a 9 to a 6, right away, and for my friends who are offering me so much love and support right now.

After working all week in incredible pain, I slept for 11 hours last night. And I’m ready to face more work.

New recipes:

Shrimp sauteed with red bell pepper in a yellow ginger curry sauce (the sauce was from a Target-brand jar): B

Garlic Butter Shrimp with Cilantro and Lime, from Inspired Taste–B+. I served this with rice. The boy thought it needed something else, like bell peppers.

Mississippi Pot Roast from TheCountry Cook (via Vanessa): A+. Great over potatoes, and since you cook it in the crock pot, there is a lot of juicy goodness left over.

Cottage Pie: A+. I had never made one of these before, but I took the leftover roast and juices, put it in a pie pan, topped it with the leftover potatoes, and baked it with a bit of cheese on top.

Shrimp Masala, from Food & Wine–A. I served this with rice and an unintentionally soupy indian creamed spinach. The boy had two servings.

I also made a recipe I can’t find an online version of. I had taken a picture of this, probably while in a doctor’s office. It was okay. Squash & Curried Noodle Soup from Better Homes and Gardens.

Old recipes that should know about:

Sidecar from Epicurious: A+. I add some cloves to this, an idea I got from my friend Rae.

Russian Vegetable Pie from All Recipes: A+. I first had this when Vanessa’s dad made it for her graduation party. I’m not a fan of cream cheese or mushrooms, so I don’t know why I love this pie so much, but I do.

Zucchini Pie from Seasoned Mom: A+. Tiffany first made this for book group when she lived in California. I have it handwritten in a book, but I found it online for you, dear reader. I grate the zucchini instead of slicing it. Book club debates whether this or the Russian Vegetable Pie is their favorite. (They don’t have to; when I make one for company, I make them both.) 🙂

Beer Biscuits from my grandmother: A+. Mix 2 cups of bisquick, 2 Tbs sugar, and half a beer. While drinking the other half of the beer, drop into greased/oil sprayed muffin tins. Bake for 20 minutes at 375. Makes about 12.

[A Davis doctor’s office. This last Tuesday.]

My doctor came back into the room.

“Are you sure you want the shot?”

“Yes.”

“The nurse is afraid to give it to you–she’s thinking about what happened last time she injected you with this drug.”

“That wasn’t her fault–I’m just that weirdo that all the weird stuff happens to. Send her in.”

“Okay, but she really doesn’t want to.”

Several years ago, my back went out. My doctor ordered a shot of Toradol, a drug I’d had before. It usually breaks the pain cycle enough for the back to even out after a few days.

On that day, I made a noise when the needle went in. The nurse and I were both surprised it hurt that much, especially since it has to go into the thick ass muscle. But I got my bandaid on and went home.

I went to sleep early that night. When I woke up, I thought I had rolled over on a book.

A hardcover book.

Something was under me.

Except there was no book–just a giant blood bruise–six by four inches–across my ass cheek.

I was scheduled to see my GERD doctor the next day, so I ended our appointment by making things uncomfortable–

“I have a weird blister from a shot on my butt–can you look at it and tell me if I need to see someone else about it, officially?”

He declared it big but fine and fled the room. His nurse, who had had to come in, since I’d dropped my pants, said it was the largest blood bruise she had ever seen.

Two days later, I was getting my allergy shots. I hadn’t been able to sleep, due to the discomfort, so I asked my allergy nurse if there was something I could do to ease the pain of my bruise/hematoma.

“What bruise?”

I showed her.

“Oh, hell!”

The original nurse who had given the shot was summoned, as was my doctor. There was consternation all around.

My doctor cleaned the wound and bandaged it. He said I would have to come back the next week to get the bandaged changed.

“I can’t–I’m gonna be at a conference in Oxford.”

And then they started telling me that I couldn’t go, in case I got necrosis. I over-rode them, explaining that I would keep a good look at for necrosis and that I was going to a country with better healthcare than ours.

The 9 hour plane ride was not fun.

When I had to change the bandage, halfway through the conference, what I saw was truly gross–it wasn’t black or red or green, but there were multiple layers of skin that were simply gone.

Having promised to check in, I sent a message to my doctor’s office: “No necrosis, but it looks like something took a big bite out of my ass.”

In the years since, the nurse has checked my ass whenever she’s worked with me–there’s a scar. My doctor told me he had to counsel her quite a few times after the bruise–she kept trying to figure out what she had done wrong.

But she hadn’t. As he explained, when you give thousands of shots, one of them will eventually create a hematoma.

Tuesday, she walked into the room. “When I saw your name, and the drug, I didn’t want to come in.”

“I know.”

She made sure to give me the shot on the other side, away from the scar.

It’s two days later, and there’s no bite.

My (grand)daddy died almost two years ago–the one thing I wanted of his was his salt shaker. Those close to me know how much it means–I’ve written a whole creative nonfiction piece about it.

Alas, others decided it was not to be mine.

The other day, my son expressed frustration–he said he thought he had found a business that makes them. After months of trying to communicate with them, though, he still hadn’t gotten anywhere.

And my heart about burst.

My son has apparently been trying to find a new salt shaker–one that will still remind me of daddy, but one I will be able to hold and to pass down myself.

And that’s exactly what my daddy would be doing right now.

Happy Valentine’s Day, dear readers.

Love each other, like the meat loves the salt.

Update: May 2019

My beloved friend Vanessa found a shaker like Daddy’s on the day she read the original blog. She sent it to my son, who presented it to me as my mother’s day present, which coincided almost exactly with Daddy’s death anniversary.

It’s an antique (like Daddy’s)–I know now it’s a teak Dansk shaker–the “Rosie.”

When I showed it to book group, I explained that I was having trouble figuring out how to refill it. Much Googling later, we discovered that one has to remove the pegs, which were unmovable.

Within moments, an expert friend of book group was found.

And so this shaker is full, in a home far from my original one. With the best family one could ever have.

Q: Karma, Bank of America said no fraud happened after your purse was stolen, implying that you were lying about everything. Whatever happened with that?

A: Well, many people told me to stop banking with them–I don’t have a checking account there, but I do have a credit card with them that I mostly use when traveling, and that’s what got stolen.

Having learned about the power of Twitter from Denise, I took to it. BOA agreed to re-open the case. They gave me a fax number.

So I went back to the 1990s in a time machine (i.e. headed down to the FedEx). I spent thirty minutes trying to send my materials (police report, etc.), to no avail.

Then I walked over to BOA. A very nice banker said she would fax the stuff for me.

It didn’t work.

So she had to call corporate and was put on hold for about 10 minutes. They gave her the same non-working number. While she was on hold again, she joked to me that they just didn’t want to approve my case.

I pretended that was funny.

They gave her another number, and she faxed the materials.

Nothing has happened since then . . .

Q: Karma, how’s your back?

A: We should probably move on. It’s just not good.

Q: Well, speaking of the way your body fails you, how did your comedy show about your chronic pain go?

A: The show was amazing–the crowd was wonderful, and I managed to really tighten it up since the last time I did it. There were lots of questions after–and a lot of hugs. That’s normal after a comedy show, right?

Q: I’m sorry I missed it.

A: That’s not a question.

Q: Okay. Am I sorry I missed it?

A: You’d better be. You can hear me talking about it on Davisville. I’ve also been asked to talk to a group at Sutter Hospital in Davis. And since so many people missed it but wanted to see it, I’m going to try to do the performance in Davis in Spring.

Q: And right after Spring quarter, you’re heading to Oxford, right?

A: Sort of. I have several conferences before then–CCCC, PCA/ACA, MELUS, and the Comic Arts Conference at WonderCon. And I’ve been asked to talk about Atwood at a conference on Canadian women in Bordeaux in mid-June, so I’ll go to that and then head to Oxford, after some time with loved ones in London.

I’m really excited–I love this class–what could be better than teaching fantasy literature in Oxford?–and I feel like I’m going home to teach it. I just gotta get a lot of things organized/changed and finish replacing some of the stolen stuff from my purse before I leave the country for a few months–I just picked up my replacement glasses today.

I am taking the second summer session off, though. I don’t remember the last time that was true–but it’s a break I need.

Q: Will you spend it with your blind kitten?

A: And the sighted one. Thoth’s the one who thinks I’m his mom and suckles my ear and sleeps on my face. He’s also way more demanding–when the vet was giving too much attention to Graymalkin The Blind at their first appointment, Thoth walked over to her and licked her face to steal some of that back.

Q: Anything else readers should know?

A: Two of my students were selected for Prized Writing, and one won an honorable mention. One of my winners wrote his creative nonfiction case study in graphic novel format–a first for a publication that’s been going for three decades, so I’m so excited!

The Stand-Up Club is performing on 3/1. And I’ll be performing with the Stand-Up Class on 3/19. By the end of this year, I will have two more books out. By the end of this month, Melissa and I have to send some revisions back to the publisher after peer review.

One of the reviewers said s/he would never assign our book and doubted our credentials because of our use of dashes (i.e. we use dashes instead of commas sometimes) and because we engage our audience with a few colloquialisms; s/he said that while she understood that students would like our book, it was a bad model (because s/he would never let students write something non-academics would want to read).

I’m fairly certain that soul crushing criticism is why my back isn’t working right now.

Reliving that has made me tense up. Time for another anxiety shower.

via GIPHY

Red Sister–Mark Lawrence (the first book in the Ancestor Series). I’m a sucker for books about orphan children with special talents at magical schools. So I’m a sucker for this book. I’m starting book two tonight. A

The Invisible Library–Genevieve Cogman (first book in a series). Steampunk? Libarians? Sexy demons? Cogman’s book has all the things I usually love, but I was underwhelmed here. It’s a fast read, and there’s even a twist or two, but it didn’t really capture me the way I wanted it to. B-

People of the Book–Geraldine Brooks. Brooks writes beautiful prose. Here, in a multi-protagonist, time-sweeping narrative, she explores a famous illustrated Jewish text. This is based on the true story of a rare manuscript, a Jewish text illustrated in a medieval Christian style, protected by Muslim scholars. A+

How to Marry a Werewolf–Gail Carriger. A disgraced American and a prideful Werewolf? Everyone around them can see it’s love at first sight. This little novella captures all the things that makes Carriger’s books popular. B

I’m Just a Person–Tig Notaro. I knew a lot of this story, since I’ve seen all of Tig’s comedy and One, Mississippi, the series based on her life. I read this all in one sleepless night. It’s funny and moving, just like Tig. A

Above the China Sea–Sarah Bird. A former student who just returned from a trip to Japan recommended this to me. Two stories overlap in this story of Okinawa: a multiracial military brat grieving her sister in the current time, and a teenage girl working as a nurse in the Imperial Army’s cave hospitals during the American invasion (WWII). Both stories are compelling, but I was drawn to the historical tale more, which is impeccably researched. A

One of my goals this year is to try new recipes.

So far, I’m off to a good start. Here are some of the things I made last month.

Slow Roasted Salmon with Citrus, from the New York Times,–A+ (this is good, cold, the next day too). I paired this with a beet and cranberry goat cheese salad.

Slow Cooker Moroccan Chicken, from The Spice House–A+ I had the preserved meyer lemons on hand–they’re easy to make and keep for a really long time in your fridge.

Tumeric Chicken Stew, from Food & Wine–B. I added cauliflower, since I had cauliflower that needed to be used. I asked the boy what he would change about the dish. “More cauliflower!”

Healthy Asian Pork and Rice, from Food & Wine–C. Not much flavor; the leftovers didn’t get eaten.

Blood Orange Margarita from White on Rice–A+. I mixed these in a pitcher and added a bit of kosher salt to the mix rather than putting salt on the rim.

Recipes that weren’t entirely new, but that you should know about:

Meyer Lemon Margaritas from White on Rice–A+ (This is good with blood orange juice too.)

Tom Yum (Thai Hot and Sour Soup) from Lemon Blossoms–I used a tom yum pre-made paste for this and the lemongrass pulp you can get at Safeway–A+

Grandma’s Meat Loaf–A+

Mashed Cauliflower–Melissa Bender made a version of this one night, and now I do it a lot. Boil water. Add cauliflower until it’s tender. Mash with butter and garlic salt–A

Balsamic Green Beans, from All Recipes–A.

Baked fish poboys, with homemade remoulade, from Simply Recipes–A+. You can do this with any kind of fish. I get frozen swai fillets (they can be cooked thawed or frozen). I spray them with olive oil pam, sprinkle either cajun or blackened seasoning on both sides and bake according to the package directions. Best if the buns are toasted.