A Modest Proposal for Young Children at the Movies

Movies & Television & Theatre

Yesterday, I sat in a dark theatre to see the second Hobbit movie for a second time. The film is PG-13. The child sitting behind me with his father was about half the requisite age.

Now, each parent should get to make his/her own decision about whether a movie is too adult for the child in terms of sex and violence. While I think certain scenes were a bit much for a child that age, the parent knows what might cause his/her child nightmares much better than I do.

However, if you know your child doesn’t have the capability to follow the plot of a movie without your constant oral aid, perhaps this is a movie you could watch at home together.

I took my son to a ton of plays and movies before he was necessarily sophisticated enough for them–this made him a sophisticated audience member. Yet I didn’t allow him to talk through plays or movies. Questions were for after.

If your child can’t follow when we’re in “real” time or flashback, if your child doesn’t understand that most questions can be answered by letting the scene play out (who’s that? they’re about to tell you!), or if the movie is going to use a bunch of words your child doesn’t know (like “forge”), then you have three options, especially if you are incapable of teaching your child to whisper, as the father behind me was.

1. See the movie at home.

2. Have your child ask you questions after the movie.

3. Sit in what I propose to be the “not mentally up to this film” zone. I would like to suggest that the first few rows of films be reserved for young children (and others who aren’t ready for what they’re seeing). It’s not practical to put children and their parents in a separate theatre or have a walled-off space, but those first few rows tend to be fairly empty of other patrons. Also, children don’t get neckaches the way the rest of us do. (As for their parents, they don’t want to start arguing with me about being or having a pain the neck when their kids can’t shut up.)

This would allow those parents who want to see an adult film but not get a babysitter or who want to see an adult film but not alone or those who want to teach their children the magic of a film before the film hits DVD to view the movie (though they should still try to teach the art of the whisper).

This would have made life easier yesterday; I actually started anticipating questions, which was not a fun game even though I was spot on. It would not have solved the problem completely when I sat in front of a child who was MUCH too young for a Harry Potter movie and who started screaming and sobbing when Dobby died, but at least the screamer would have been a few rows farther away.

If that’s sitting too close to the screen for some parents, then might I suggest options 1 or 2?

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  • Duve Dec 30, 2013 Link

    I say we eat the loud children.

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