2020 started badly, and it didn’t get better. I was desperately ill at the beginning of the year, from an illness I got in Greece right before Christmas. It kept giving me pink eye, and I couldn’t hear out of my left ear for over a month. Doing the dishes exhausted me. I missed Christmas and New Years.
I was too ill to travel to MLA and still sick when classes began.
I was so happy in early March, to be healthy enough to travel again. Looking back at my conference in New Orleans, less than a week before UCD locked down, I’m horrified. Courtney was supposed to come, but her university was smart enough not to let her. I wandered around the French quarter, visiting my old haunts, establishing new ones, thinking only of my twisted ankle, not knowing that so many people I saw there would get a virus none of us were prepared for, only days later.
(Maybe if our President had been honest with us, as he was with Bob Woodward . . .)
Once we all knew what was happening, despite half the country’s insistence it wasn’t, I was anxious, and I couldn’t sleep. The only thing that helped the first wave of anxiety was making a document for my son about what to do if I got it and preparing a go-bag for hospital.
The document is still on my desktop.
The go-bag is still packed.
And then we were forced online.
And then there were fires. And I packed other bags, in case we needed to evacuate.
By summer, I was certified to teach online and balancing the first summer session okay–I was reading in the afternoons on my hammock, doing my yoga, and taking a long walk every day. I was doing miraculous things with my CSA box.
Then, right before my birthday and before summer session 2 started, my back went out. And my two summer session classes bled into my six fall courses, and my back was still bad.
And the boy started grad school.
And then I had a couple of months in which I bled so badly, for so long, that I lost even more energy.
And I couldn’t even walk around the block. And I was barely able to get the work done, though I did.
I did.
And all the while, Trump and the Republicans were lying about Covid. And those of us who were trying to stay safe were mocked.
I’m now on the edge of a new school term, after a shorter break than usual. MLA is in a few days. I have to do the Atwood journal. Four classes, none of which I’ve taught online before, start in a few days.
It’s time for a messy “by the numbers.” Asterisks denote what I particularly loved.
Podcasts I appeared on: 4
Weeks in a two month period in which I bled, usually heavily: 6.
Days in 2020 that my 2019 tree was up: 33
New (to me) shows binged: 48: Flowers; Dracula; Watchmen*; The Mandalorian; Miracle Workers; Avenue 5*; Seven Worlds, One Planet; Picard; The Good Fight; Evil; Veep; The Miniaturist; Run*; The Great; Self Made; The Kominsky Method; Upload*; Space Force; Unorthodox; Vida; Breeders; Brockmire; I’ll Be Gone in the Dark; Planet Earth; Devs; Perry Mason*; Modern Love; Hang Ups; Psych; The Wire*; Warrior Nun; I May Destroy You*; Lovecraft Country*; Ghost Bride; Another Life; Big Little Lies; Breeders; Away; Muppets Now**; The Undoing; Stath Lets Flats*; The Duchess; The Expanse*; Delicious; Woke*; Ramy; Supernatural; Star Trek: Lower Decks*
new shows I tried but gave up on: tons
shows I had to stop watching after season 3 for my mental health because I hated the middle daughter so much: 1 (Better Things)
Old shows I kept up with: 22*: Schitt’s Creek, Outlander, Seth Meyers (the first part), Bob’s Burgers, The Simpsons, Grace and Frankie, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Shrill, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; Star Trek Discovery; Samantha Bee; Killing Eve; What We Do in the Shadows; Last Kingdom; After Life; Dead to Me; SNL; At Home with Amy Sedaris; The Umbrella Academy; The Crown; His Dark Materials; Brooklyn 99; Fargo; Better Call Saul
Old shows I binged again: 13*: Doctor Who; Monty Python’s Flying Circus; Sherlock; Call the Midwife; Barry; Baskets; Downton Abbey; Good Omens; The Good Place (twice); Counterpart; One Mississippi; Stranger Things; Arrested Development
Podcasts: Wait Wait*; Invisibilia; Up First; Fresh Air; Birbiglia’s Working It Out*; RadioLab; Serial; This American Life*; Nice White People; Short Wave; The Devil’s Violin*; You’re Wrong About*; Morning Edition; Hidden Brain; NPR’s New Music Fridays on Spotify; All Things Considered
Mix tapes made for my friends: 3
New favorite band: Tele Novella
Letters of rec written: 25
Movies out (before the dark times): 7: Little Women; Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker, Parasite; Knives Out*; Oscar Animated Shorts; 1917; Birds of Prey
watched filmed comedy specials by: Whitney Cummings; David Cross; Leslie Jones; Daniel Sloss; Michael Ian Black; Amanda Seales; Patton Oswalt; Jim Gaffigan; Kevin Hart; Wanda Sykes
Favorite new Christmas special: Lego Star Wars
Movies I watched at home: Not as many as you’d think, but still too many to remember. Best: Enola Holmes
Surprising crushes I nursed while watching too much TCM: 2
William Powell, whose crazy powerful charm more than makes up for having a mustache.
Jane Russell, who makes me question my heterosexuality almost as much as Salma Hayek.
Plays Out (before the dark times): 8: Sarah Nurse of Salem; Alabaster; Dear Evan Hansen; The Play That Goes Wrong*; Peter and the Star Catcher; The Piano Lesson; Cyrano; Fleabag*.
Plays streaming, including “live” plays done in innovative Zoom ways: 13: One Man, Two Guvnors; School Girls; Jane Eyre*; Ann; Gloria; How it Happened; Become the Flowers; The Great Leap; Russian Troll Farm; Uncle Vanya; Barbecue; Time Stands Still; Heroes of the Fourth Turning
Books: 72, including rereads: American War by Omar El Akkad*; The Truth by Michael Palin; Lady Oracle by Atwood; The Color Purple by Alice Walker; Smoke Gets In Your Eyes* & From Here to Eternity* by Caitlin Doughty; Step Aside, Pops by Kate Beaton*; We Ride Upon Sticks by Quan Barry; American Sherlock by Kate Winkler Dawson; Wow, No Thank You by Samantha Irby*; The House of Broken Angels by Luis Alberto Urrea; Tamsin by Peter S. Beagle; Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas; Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix; There’s Nothing in This Book I Meant to Say by Paula Poundstone; The Accidental Further Adventures of the Hundred-Year-Old Man by Jonas Jonasoon; They Did Bad Things by Lauren A Forry; Little Bee by Chris Cleave; 1491 by Charles C. Mann; Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia; This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone*; Holy Sister by Mark Lawrence; Born a Crime by Trevor Noah*; The Girl at the Baggage Claim by Gish Jen; Crossings by Alex Landragin; The Rook by Daniel O’Malley*; When They Call You a Terrorist by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & Asha Bandele*; The Bone Shard Daughter by Andrea Stewart; A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik*; So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo; How to Be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X Kendi*; The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead*; Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs by Caitlin Doughty*; Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh*; The Night Circus by Eric Morgenstern*; MaddAddam by Margaret Atwood*; The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood*; Southern Book Club’s Guide to Vampire Slaying by Grady Hendrix; The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar; The Plastic Magician by Charlie N. Holmberg*; Terra Incognita by Connie Willis; Truth and Beauty by Anne Patchett; Spellbreaker by Charlie N. Holmberg*; Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller**; the first 5 Jane Yellowrock novels by Faith Hunter; Doomsday Book by Connie Willis*; Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel*; Meat Cute by Gail Carriger; The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel; In an Absent Dream by Seanan McGuire*; The Consuming Fire by John Scalzi*; Network Effect by Martha Wells*; The Last Emperox by John Scalzi*; To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis; Come Tumbling Down by Seanan McGuire*; Caleb’s Crossing by Geraldine Brooks; A Tale of Time City by Diana Wynne Jones; The Sinister Mystery of the Mesmerizing Girl by Theodora Goss; The Inheritance Trilogy, The Killing Moon, The Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin; Parasite by Mira Grant*; Early Writings by Margaret Atwood, a new collection; Dark Archives by Megan Rosenbloom
Times I discovered that the UCD library only had 1 Jemisin book, so I asked Roberto to fix it and then all of her books appeared for me (you’re welcome, UCD): 1
Other readings, including my comics, my New Yorkers, my Discovers, my Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazines, etc: who knows? A LOT.
Times Margaret Atwood had a problem and I got Roberto to solve it: 1
Books that got a fair shot: 39
Negative thoughts about my body shape/size: countless
New Favorite Recipes: 17: Quesadillas that the boy makes; Greek Chicken Skewers; Honey Curry Chicken; Ranch Pork Chops; Honey Garlic Pork Chops; Katsu; Chinese-spiced Ribs; Bolognese; Oven Fried Chicken; Butter Chicken; Tim’s Zucchini Bread; My new marinara sauce; Curried Chicken and Zucchini; Roasted Chicken with Figs and Rosemary; Mexican Street Corn Chowder; Roasted Cauliflower Curry Stew; Chile Verde Stew
Summer CSAs that pushed my creativity: 1
Fall CSAs that I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle: 1
Imperfect Foods subscriptions to replace my CSA: 1
Uterine scrapings: 1
Servings of crawfish pie: 2
Classes taught: 16
Days of 2020 when we were working out of contract: 335
Ridiculous UC Bargaining Sessions I observed: 6
Oscar parties: 1
Times I made my own pastrami: 1
Pounds I put on: 5-7, depending on the day.
Campus roles given up: 1: Upper Division Composition Exam Director
Covid Tests: 2
Ultrasounds: 2
Endoscopies: 1
TMJ splints created: 1
Times I was disappointed when the doctor looking at my hyperflexibility didn’t ask me if I could clap with one hand: 1
Poison rings acquired: 1
Hammocks I didn’t get to spend enough time in: 1
Awards won by Amy, which I nominated her for: 1
Stand-up performed: 3
Museums: 4: Voodoo Museum; Pharmacy Museum*; WWII Museum; Backstreet Museum
Expensive surgeries for Anubis: 1
Live Comedy via Zoom etc: 20: Keith Lowell Jensen; Maria Bamford (x2); My students (x3); John Cleese; Grep Proops; Norm Macdonald; Todd Barry (x2); Myq (3); Ron Funches (x2); Judah Friedlander; Mike Birbiglia (x3).
Campus Book Project Events I led: 2
Talks to Graduate Students, in which I was apparently racist and classist, for saying they should proofread and be able to take questions: 1
Atwood Book Launches I participated in: 2
New pairs of glasses: 1
Grey streaks: 2
Shots into my spine: 2
Most times I heard, in one day, “wow, your arm won’t stop bleeding”: 2
Broken phones: 1
New Diagnoses: 1
Pages of the single-spaced PDF reappointment application for my job: 57
When I reached my insurance copay limit: June
When they stopped billing me: December 29th
Long phone calls I anticipate making in 2021 to get my money back: 6
December 2020 xmas trees I ended up with: 2
Times I ate out on a patio after the dark times started: 1
Times I went to TJ’s, Safeway, and Target in person after the dark times started (total): 7
Times I ate in a restaurant, went to a movie, had book group, etc. after the dark times started: 0
Days in relative isolation/lockdown: 296
Types of Christmas cookies made: 1
Dates: 0
Times I wished I were dating: 0
Times I wished I could have sex with someone in person: lots
But times I wished I lived with a guy or had a boyfriend: 0
Evenings at my favorite New Orleans bar: 3
Conferences attended in person: 2
Conferences attended virtually: 1
Conferences cancelled: 5
New kitchen toys: 1 (mini air fryer)
Packages that got stolen off my porch, that I know of: 1
Toddler nephews who like to carry a picture of me around the house: 1
Times my chiropractor saw me for the same neck problem: 8
Times he charged me: 1
Spiral hams gotten at the last minute (12/31): 1
Books published: 1
Life-long Republican Mothers who are now Democrats since they stopped watching Fox News: 1
Weeks I had “off” from teaching, but certainly not from prepping/grading: 3
Halloweens I didn’t celebrate: 1
Postcards and letters mailed: over 200
Times I know I didn’t actually do well keeping in touch with the people I love, due to work, illness, exhaustion, and my general aversion to phones: many
Times I was thankful that my friends stuck by me and with me, when old friends reached out unexpectedly, when I was able to make genuine connections to students old and new, and when I got to be thankful for all of you: many more.
Glimmers of hope after the last election: a few
Noisy, adorable, incredibly needed for my sanity and oxytocin kittens acquired: 1
