The Facebook Unpleasantness
Nov 18th, 2009 by Dr Karma

If you know me at all, you know that I had a break-up this year, followed by some prolonged awkwardness as the ex had to be my roommate for several months afterward. I’m a writer and a blogger (those things are not necessarily the same) and I wanted to blog about my frustrations. I also wanted to blog about rekindling with DJ.

I refrained from this out of respect to my ex/roommate. However, I did make a couple of “I’m irked” posts on Facebook, brief status updates. Among other things, I made a comment about him implying that my life would be worthless without a DVR and that he said something that illustrated he was a bit clueless about how I was feeling about a certain subject (and then there was musing about if he had always misunderstood me in that way).

Now someone claiming to be my friend has emailed the ex and told him that I’ve been bashing him. My few comments have been taken out of context and sometimes completely misrepresented. Apparently, this someone says I said my ex made me feel worthless and that I completely insulted his intelligence. This “friend,” who emailed the ex anonymously, claims that he wants to hear the ex’s side since he seems like a good guy.

He is a good guy. Let’s make no mistake about that. He’s one of the best people I’ve ever dated. He’s generous and gregarious and kind.

And now he’s hurting because of someone trying to . . . what . . . help?

It’s all very middle school. Someone is messing with two people while pretending to be caring. As Denise said, it’s like an anonymous note slipped into a locker–“Your ex was dissing you!”

Whoever this is is not my friend. More likely, it’s a disgruntled ex (there are a few on Facebook and one who isn’t my friend on Facebook but who likes to hack into my accounts and cause trouble every now and again). If you think you’re my friend, but you don’t have the balls to tell me what you think of my posts and you go behind my back misrepresenting my posts, then you’re fooling yourself about our relationship.

To my real friends: I have been irritated with each and every one of you. And I have vented about each and every one of you to some of the others of my friends. I’m sure you can say the same.

I’m also certain that my ex has expressed his displeasure about me–he thinks I’m impatient and illogical and a few other things. But whatever he’s said about me doesn’t need to be passed on to me unless he’s actually slandering me in some public way. (Slander, for those who aren’t following the legal distinctions, is lying about someone in a way that could completely ruin their reputation, as opposed to venting).

My ex would never slander me, however, as he’s a wonderful person. In fact, as a person, he’s probably a better person than I am in most ways.

Whoever’s causing this trouble would probably say that I’m the cause of it because I vented. I do take responsibility for that. I did, after all, complain a little and it’s possible to make see harmless complaints as something more than they are. I am certain that the vast majority of my friends saw these posts for what they were–an outlet for frustration, not an out and out attack on my ex.

However, if this person had a problem with them, they should have talked to me or posted comments under my comments in the spirit of open communication. If they did still feel the need to talk to the ex, they should have done so in a non-anonymous way.

Two messages: To my ex, I’m deeply sorry about this.

To my supposed Facebook friend: you should unfriend me. I suggest friending all of those whom I’ve been irked with in the past (after all, with Facebook and my stand-up, I express irritation all the time). Some things to friend: every single person I’ve been on a date with, the South, homophobia, and yourself.

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Happy Birthday, Margaret Atwood!
Nov 18th, 2009 by Dr Karma

In celebration of Margaret Atwood’s birthday, I’d like to share two poems that feature her name:

Americans Who Read Poetry

We spot each other easily it seems

Something about us wants to be


Which is confirmed when we learn the names of the other’s pet




This alone

Will make us sleep together

We don’t need conventional dating

A little talk

Some world music

And off to bed

Our end will not come too unpleasantly

If it comes soon enough

We will be able to hold the other person

In our minds long after

With enough affection to think of them

When flipping through a new journal

We will see a word that reminds us

Of the touch of their mouth

Or maybe just of their dog.

I want to write like Margaret Atwood

or like the poet

at the open mic

who was able to use cuss words

(but not for shock value–

as an intrinsic part of the piece)


How am I supposed to pull it off

Should I go to grad school?


I know from my poet friends

that suffering is no longer requisite

but that I would need to

watch a lot less t.v.

I might have to abstain from meat

& start to appreciate pomegranates

& persimmons

things that are red

& layered

& symbolic

not just food

An ode to a snickers

is just a jingle,

not something you can

take a bite out of

& hold in your

metaphoric paper mouth.

new column on Cary Grant
Nov 4th, 2009 by Dr Karma

is here:

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