Ask after being an engaged student.
If you weren’t a good student, or if you were, but you didn’t get to know the instructor, you’re not going to get a good letter at the last minute. In other words, the first time you really have a conversation with us shouldn’t be the “may I have a letter of recommendation” conversation.
Think about balance in your letters.
If you work in a lab, don’t get both of your letters from your lab supervisors. Get one from someone who can talk about your work and another who can talk about you as a student, or some combination like that.
Ask carefully and politely.
Ask in person, if possible. If it’s not possible, apologize. I recommend a sentence with the words “comfortable” and “strong,” as in “Would you be comfortable writing me a strong letter?”
By saying “strong,” you’re asking for something beyond the form letter–and they’ll now know you know the difference.
If there is even a bit of hesitation, BACK OFF!
If they say they don’t have time, don’t argue or come up with time-management tips. If they say they don’t know you well enough, they aren’t asking to get to know you. If they say they can’t write you a strong letter, go ask someone else.
Definitely don’t show up at their house with your mom on a Saturday, demanding a letter, causing them to have to threaten to call the police since you won’t stop screaming about how they HAVE to write one.
(This happened to a colleague.)
Know when to ask.
We expect at least a month’s head-up for graduate school–those deadlines don’t sneak up on people. We’re more flexible with jobs and scholarships.
Get the words out.
I often have students in my office for a whole office hour, trying to build up the courage to ask me.
It’s so obvious.
But I pretend to be oblivious, as they ask about my cats and where I got that picture of Weird Al and how my Simpsons collection started.
When I say, “it’s been great, but I have to get to class,” they finally ask.
Why don’t I spare them asking? Because asking for help is important. I had to learn to do it–it was the hardest lesson. But every person you might ask for a letter had to ask for letters. It’s just part of the process.
Pro-tip: If you want to say something nice while you’re asking, ask first, then flatter.
When a student says, “Your class was my favorite. Can I have a letter?” I’m never sure whether the first sentence is true.
Take, for example, a card I got my from my son for mother’s day when he was about 7:
“You are lovely. Your hair is lovely. I’m sorry I set the carpet on fire.”
Those first two lines sort of get cancelled out because of the placement of the third.
It’s so much more convincing if you just flip the sentences: “May I have a letter of recommendation? I’m asking you because your class was my favorite.”
The next entry will be about what to do when we say yes.
Previous entries went over the basics, how to get mentors, things to avoid, and why our letters should address your problems.
FAQs
What if I don’t need the letter for a while?
Bring it up before you lose touch with them: “after taking a couple of years off to work, I’ll be applying to vet school. I might be back to ask you for a letter of recommendation then.”
What if the professor asks me to write the letter?
I know that some professors do this, but it’s insane. These letters are a genre. How are you supposed to know how the genre works? How are you supposed to know, from one school’s pov to another, what to say?
Some professors don’t use the letter they make you write. They say things like, “oh, I just wanted to know what you thought of yourself.”
Whether it’s laziness or mind games, I wouldn’t deal with those people.
What if the people who could write the best letter aren’t professors?
One of my students was recently told that all of his letters should come from tenure-track research professors.
But that wasn’t possible. Those professors only taught the big classes, and they didn’t allow undergraduates near enough to get to know them.
So one of his letters came from me, a lowly lecturer. We got him into one of the most prestigious schools in the country.
If you’re choosing between a form letter from a professor or a great letter from someone who’s not, don’t you want the great one?
